News about Detox
Well, today I got the news from my mom that I probably won't be able to detox up there with her.. her doctor costs too much and with my share of cost Medicaid I won't be able to afford it. The hospital should be free, but I would have to a different doctor. So when Geo goes in to see the good doctor I'm going to ask him if I can under his supervision. He wants to go on Friday. It's that I'm all excited to do it now, but as time passes my energy will lack. I won't want to anymore, and I personally think it's the best thing for me to do. But I have to be committed to it, or else it's not going to work. I would just go back on my meds. I know when I get out I will be on meds, I just don't know which ones. I don't think I can go long-term without meds. But it gives me a chance to see what I'm like off medications, what is a real symptom and what is caused by meds. I don't think that things like my memory are going to come back, but it would be nice if it did. I just wish to be med-free and stable. I don't know if that will ever happen, though.
One of the reasons I would love to be med free is to be able to have a baby. I know I can't afford a baby, but I want one sometimes. I know it would be hard, since some day I have trouble with my cat, but I want something cuddly and someone who I can raise to do great things. I'm scared, though, if I had a baby that it would have the same stuff that Geo and I have (mentally) and also that it would get taken away. I posted a while back about how a friend of mine got her baby taken away because she couldn't care for it. I don't want that happening to me.. I would be devastated. I don't know if I would be able to cope with something like that.
Today wasn't a bad day, either. I somehow forgot to take my meds last night, but I haven't had any bad side effects. I took my morning pills, so I'm not in withdrawal. After I took my meds I took a nap, since I was tired and to let them take effect. I got a good sleep last night, amazingly. I did have to take a klonopin to get to sleep (I thought I had taken my pills, which normally make me a bit tired) but after falling asleep I was able to sleep almost through the night. The times I woke up were to use the bathroom and then just fall back asleep fast. Just makes me want to detox more, if I can get this good of sleep without my pills. Just take the klonopin when I need it. I don't want to become dependent on it, though, so I'm going to have to learn to take it only when I need to. My doctor knows this and is supportive of it. He likes patients to be on as few meds as possible.
Geo's sleep has gotten so erratic. I really think he has sleep apnea. He sometimes struggles to breathe at night, and I know that's one of the symptoms. He sleeps all day and then is up all night. I came home from work one day at 5pm and he was still sleeping. He also takes naps to more sleep, but I think the naps are hurting him and just throwing off his sleep more. He's been going to bed between 8-9am some days. I consider it an early night if he's in bed by 4am. He's been getting mood swings, too, for no reason and I can't wait for him to see the doctor. He's going to see the good doc, Dr. Miller, and I can talk to the doctor about the detox then. I'm feeling much better since I went and saw the doctor, and so I hope he can help Geo out as well.
Food today was good... I had a Nutella and peanut butter sandwich for a snack since I was low on calories. I just grilled up the chicken with no oil and made mac and cheese for dinner. I woke up at 8am and realized I hadn't taken my pills, so I took the ones I knew I could take without getting any bad side effects. I ate some yogurt and then went back to sleep. When I woke up I had a Fiber One bar (I'm addicted to those things) and went on the computer for a while. I had ramen for lunch with Tabasco and lime juice. I read something yesterday saying that fruit drinks are worse for you than some sodas and I can see that. That means I have to find something low in sugar to replace Geo's sodas. Stress today... I was okay. Yesterday I almost had an anxiety attack at work because I was surrounded by crap. I think that's why I had to leave so early.. I just couldn't breathe at the desk I was working on. Hopefully if I go in tomorrow I will have another desk I can sit at. I just felt so cramped, and I didn't have space to use for my piles. I put everything into little piles and go from there. Oh well, what can I do?
One of the reasons I would love to be med free is to be able to have a baby. I know I can't afford a baby, but I want one sometimes. I know it would be hard, since some day I have trouble with my cat, but I want something cuddly and someone who I can raise to do great things. I'm scared, though, if I had a baby that it would have the same stuff that Geo and I have (mentally) and also that it would get taken away. I posted a while back about how a friend of mine got her baby taken away because she couldn't care for it. I don't want that happening to me.. I would be devastated. I don't know if I would be able to cope with something like that.
Today wasn't a bad day, either. I somehow forgot to take my meds last night, but I haven't had any bad side effects. I took my morning pills, so I'm not in withdrawal. After I took my meds I took a nap, since I was tired and to let them take effect. I got a good sleep last night, amazingly. I did have to take a klonopin to get to sleep (I thought I had taken my pills, which normally make me a bit tired) but after falling asleep I was able to sleep almost through the night. The times I woke up were to use the bathroom and then just fall back asleep fast. Just makes me want to detox more, if I can get this good of sleep without my pills. Just take the klonopin when I need it. I don't want to become dependent on it, though, so I'm going to have to learn to take it only when I need to. My doctor knows this and is supportive of it. He likes patients to be on as few meds as possible.
Geo's sleep has gotten so erratic. I really think he has sleep apnea. He sometimes struggles to breathe at night, and I know that's one of the symptoms. He sleeps all day and then is up all night. I came home from work one day at 5pm and he was still sleeping. He also takes naps to more sleep, but I think the naps are hurting him and just throwing off his sleep more. He's been going to bed between 8-9am some days. I consider it an early night if he's in bed by 4am. He's been getting mood swings, too, for no reason and I can't wait for him to see the doctor. He's going to see the good doc, Dr. Miller, and I can talk to the doctor about the detox then. I'm feeling much better since I went and saw the doctor, and so I hope he can help Geo out as well.
Food today was good... I had a Nutella and peanut butter sandwich for a snack since I was low on calories. I just grilled up the chicken with no oil and made mac and cheese for dinner. I woke up at 8am and realized I hadn't taken my pills, so I took the ones I knew I could take without getting any bad side effects. I ate some yogurt and then went back to sleep. When I woke up I had a Fiber One bar (I'm addicted to those things) and went on the computer for a while. I had ramen for lunch with Tabasco and lime juice. I read something yesterday saying that fruit drinks are worse for you than some sodas and I can see that. That means I have to find something low in sugar to replace Geo's sodas. Stress today... I was okay. Yesterday I almost had an anxiety attack at work because I was surrounded by crap. I think that's why I had to leave so early.. I just couldn't breathe at the desk I was working on. Hopefully if I go in tomorrow I will have another desk I can sit at. I just felt so cramped, and I didn't have space to use for my piles. I put everything into little piles and go from there. Oh well, what can I do?
Replies
im glad you explained the reasons for detox and that you will be doing it under supervision. do you want to do this because of the side effects of the current meds? are there other options for you? my doctor also wants to elimante some meds but only if it is ok for me to be without. we have tried to lower doses and i get bad again. so i have accepted the fact that i will likely be on some meds always and thats ok with me. you are doing what you feel is best for you and thats great. i understand you wanting a baby, it is natural, but you are being very realistic about your situation, though it is painful. many hugsss
I hope you find a doctor to detox. It would be very sad if you couldn\'t. What kind of message would that sent?! Having a baby is hard work and I think you and Geo ( I don\'t know what problems he deals with) need to be completely stable before you should consider having one. But of course it is your decision.
My husband has sleep apnea too. It\'s no fun, that\'s for sure.
Great job on the food.
Ive been fighting taking meds for so long some of the reason is im scared of the sideeffects and then trying to go off them once i feel things are better. I hope a doctor will help you with this because it would be way to dangerous to do it on your own. Im so amazed with how you always think things threw without just jumping in with both feet... like getting help to detox the right way and even with the feelings and wanting to have a baby you think things threw and dont just act on your own wants. You are a very compassionate person to consider everyone your choices effects. GOOD JOB!