new yrs eve 2010 finnally

well, its about time this crapp ass yr was over. there was so much sickness and death this yr. moore than ever. i am realy going to try to get my shit together this yr. i have to . im sooo fat. gained moore weight, wa sick alot. much anxiaty. i cant even say how bad it was. i realy feel so detached i have to work on many things. i want to be better. i dont want to die. had good xmas though i was sick the whole time. ive let many people down this yr. that has to change/ im soo lazy now. i never want to do anything. everyone is trying to coux me out into the world, i have to get a grip and face things thatidont want to face. so glad i didnt get a tornado where im at. all around me, it was bad today. cars turned over, the whole nine. very scarey. ok, goodby crappy yr, hello new yr new ddchance. i have to get strong. for my own good. i will be 50 this yr. wow. i wont act my age. i refuse. trying to not take as many pills, but its so very hard, i ussually cave. got used to the extra nyquil while sick, now i want it every night, but thatws no good. maybe ill try the anti deppresents again. they make me so jumpy, i cant hardlyt take it, then have to take moore xanex, vicsious circle. ok, by for now. realy need a shower and to wash my hair. been so sick. cant remember being this sick in many yrs. ok, by for now. wont be able to get on much till son gowes back to school. ok, by for now.......