New Year's Resolutions
Hello my friends,
I am not one for making new years resolutions but this year I need to do this. I have found, since Eddie died, that I have become an angry person. I am disappointed in who I have become. I have many unkind thoughts in my head, am quick to criticize others (especially coworkers) and find myself swearing under my breath a lot at work. I feel angry much of the time. So...my plan is to turn over a new leaf. I want to honor God, my son and myself. I no longer want to be angry, terse or critical of others. I want to, as St. Francis of Asissi said, "Be an instrument of peace."
I wish all my SOTHS and dear friends here at DS a year of peace and love, as well as health, happiness and prosperity.
Ed, I miss you. I am not proud of all the anger I have been carrying around. I am determined to find myself again and begin to practice loving kindness. I want you to be proud of me.
Love, Mom xoxo
I am not one for making new years resolutions but this year I need to do this. I have found, since Eddie died, that I have become an angry person. I am disappointed in who I have become. I have many unkind thoughts in my head, am quick to criticize others (especially coworkers) and find myself swearing under my breath a lot at work. I feel angry much of the time. So...my plan is to turn over a new leaf. I want to honor God, my son and myself. I no longer want to be angry, terse or critical of others. I want to, as St. Francis of Asissi said, "Be an instrument of peace."
I wish all my SOTHS and dear friends here at DS a year of peace and love, as well as health, happiness and prosperity.
Ed, I miss you. I am not proud of all the anger I have been carrying around. I am determined to find myself again and begin to practice loving kindness. I want you to be proud of me.
Love, Mom xoxo
Replies
That\'s how I feel a lot of the time. Haven\'t made any resolutions. I used to never say anything unkind about someone, but now I have no patience with people and I am so angry. Thanks for sharing.
I also wish you peace and love and good health and happiness and prosperity. Every Mom that has lot a child deserves some peace. Like Terri always says \"God help Us All\".
Love and hugs to you My Sweet Friend.
Nell
I can safely suggest that Ed is proud of you. Proud of who you were, what you have experienced and survived and proud that you now find yourself acknowledging something that is not the true YOU and willing and strong enough to intend on changing that small part.
On the other hand, I believe that the anger is a very real, honest and big part of grief, and this lifelong journey must, at some point, include a healthy dose of anger. However, it\'s what we do with that anger that is either a positive or negative influence on our souls.
An affirmation that is quite well known is this... \"I let go, let God and trust\". It might work very well for you.
I wish you a year of peace, calm and love. Happiness, prosperity and good health, surrounded by positive, caring and compassionate people.
Tight hugs, Merrilee
It starts with one\'s self. Be kind, compassionate, loving to yourself First. No more self-critic, but acceptance, understanding, the best care (as if) for your own child-self.
You do so much for others. For soth. So grateful to you, Linda. Happy and peaceful New Year. I love you, Abby
here\' to new year\'s resolutions !! woo hoo... love ya!
Linda, there are times when we reach our limits in life and it just seems unfair. I have to give myself \"attitude adjustments\" once in awhile, I think it is only normal. I too think Ed would be proud of what you survived and be proud you want to do something to honor yourself, Ed and God. I am wishing you a happier year full of peace and love. I love you too, Leda
Dear Linda...it is hard for me to imagine you angry all the time...but if you feel this is true...then this change will be so freeing for you. I think our behaviors become habits...some good...some not so good. Habits are so hard to break but with patience and perseverance you will be able to make the change.
Anger IS normal...so maybe seek a different way to release the anger.
Love you
Being aware of one\'s thoughts and actions takes BEing here now and it\'s a very solid practice and one I believe each of us must come back to daily. One thing that I found to be helpful is to check in with myself periodically throughout the day to see how I\'m feeling and then not to go into any kind of harsh judgement over what I feel, yet just take note of it.
I have no doubt that Ed is so very proud of you, Linda, and when you work in the kind of industry that is self care as you do, the self care must begin with YOU. Perhaps ask yourself what you have been doing for Linda that is nurturing and life sustaining?
We all slip, get out into the weeds and need to pull in the reins or even let them out a bit from time to time. As I read your journal I believe this is what you are describing. Nothing more to add, just checking in with yourself to see what you are in need of, giving it to yourself first and then sending out the ripples.
With you and sending the utmost love and care to such a huge hearted woman and please, remember that anger is okay and necessary along the way. Saying, yes to it, standing back as an observer and just noticing can be so very revealing I am discovering.
Loving care as we gently walk Hand in hand and Heart to heart into 2016.
XO Joanie
Wow, this is something that overcame me for the first time (that I can remember). Right around 12/30 to 1/1 I felt myself being angry at pretty much anything. I\'m thinking it\'s because of the pain I\'m feeling of \"another year\". I sure hope it\'s short-lived because it\'s just not me. We\'ll see what today brings... Much love, Sharon xo
I was a raging mess over the holidays..it seems to be dissipating now. It is not who I want to be either..I will pray for a kinder spirit to overtake us all...
This is s shot in the stomach as I realize how this is me. I know I do not want this as I say peace is all I need. Yet I realize that peace can\'t come with the anger. SO I will be walking with you in this new year along with St. Francis.
THANK YOU!!!!
Lifting anger away is like getting the monkey off your back. When was the last time you asked yourself \" whom am I angry with?\" Step one then get rid of the anger..... Easy? NOPE worth it ? YES
Anger uses up a lot of energy, we need energy for everything else so you will feel better and hopefully you will like the new you so much better. Life will fall into place.
I hope this helps it is not intended to be cruel. Sending new hope and love your way
Penny
Oh dear Linda, I know what you\'re saying about anger. I struggle with it myself. I also am aiming to take more control over my negative emotions. Sometimes easier said than done but making the effort is truly moving forward in the right direction.
I also wish you love, joy and peace in this New Year!
Love and tight hugs,
Diane
I have realized that I get so much peace from journaling and all the support I receive from all my SOTHS. I need to journal more often as it offers such a release. Thank you.
I would have never thought you felt or acted that way. You have always been so kind and caring and always one of the first to respond to journals. It\'s not Aprils Fools right? ha ha. However, had quite the opposite happen after my son died. I became less angry, less critical, more compassionate etc. However, I sometimes feel those tendancies want to creep back in. I think it just takes practice and waking up each day looking toward the future and being grateful in the moment. I look forward to watching your progression as I need to get back to the same. Much love friend. Robin
I could have writen much of your journal, as the anger, resentment and general dislike of everything have consumed me for a long time. I am trying to work on that, as well.
Wishing you success at everything you choose to do, in 2016. May we both find healing and some peace in our hearts!!
(((HUGS))), Julia