New stage of grief?
Since the many deaths in our lives, I have learned about the stages of grief especially reading Elizabeth Kubler Ross. I think that I may have just entered into the next stage of grief for me in this relationship with ES. I am so angry with him for doing this to us. He has cut off all communication except yesterday there strangely appeared a posting on FB. It was from GF's sister thanking ES for his help during the recent death of their aunt and being their brother and special member of their family. I am sorry and would send sympathy to the family but I have no means to do that. I previously tried to send a birthday card which was returned to me unopened. How dare he treat us like we are terrible, rotten people when all we ever did was love him, help him, and encourage him. We provided for him emotionally and financially all of his life. Then his GF comes into the picture and we get kicked out? No, I don't understand how he could possibly do this to us. Then to keep the grandchildren from us as well is way over the top. I realize these feelings are genuine and part of the healing process. He is there for them but what happens when my DH or I pass and there is only one of us left. He and the GC are the only family we have. So that leaves us with no one. How much we love him and all he can do is think about himself and GF and today. 'Open your eyes and realize how much we love you and have done for you and how much we want a good relationship with you." It hurts, oh how it hurts and yet it doesn't seem to matter to him since he has his new family.
Replies
HI. I feel your pain but, for whatever it\'s worth, don\'t let yourself get mad. He may feel your anger and use that as an excuse to stay away. It\'s better to be sad. Sadness is a feeling that people can always empathize with whereas anger can be polarizing (some will understand but others may not). Anger opens the door for conflict and people taking sides.
Whatever his reasons are... and no matter how unfair this is (and this is very unfair - believe me I know the situation well) don\'t let him destroy your life.
As far as you expressing your sympathy to the family, you can send your card to the family (don\'t address the card to your son so shouldnt be returned). Also don\'t put your return address on the envelope. They can\'t return something for which there is no return address. They will open the card.
Don\'t let anyone alter the person you are. You are a unique individual who has much to give. Your grandchildren won\'t forget you. At some point they will be back. I believe that your son will be too. He just needs to grow up and stop being selfish.
Thank you Blue60 for your wisdom and understanding. You are so right about sadness vs anger. I am angry with him for hurting us so deeply but actually that does translate into sadness. Guess I just needed to get that out because right now I feel genuine sadness, tears, mourning, and yet love. Thank you also for the suggestion on reaching out to the family. They all hate me but I want to show them that sympathy and kindness goes above and beyond hate. I want them to know the love of God and the attitude that God will help them too. I pray constantly for our ES and GC but also for the entire family. Basically they simply aren\'t educated and don\'t know how to live any differently than on the welfare system and survival node. I want to show them there is more than that. Go\'d love can reach all if we open to being His servant. I know that love and I know it may not transmit to them but I will leave that in God\'s hands.. I can\'t do anything about any one else\'s actions but my own. So, I want to live my Christian faith and not less with anger and resentment. Love is the key to all. Thanks so much for caring and helping me.