new problems bringing up past feelings

Well, I'm awakeThere is little left to be said.Well, I'm alive...But these words have left me dead. Hmm, I dont know what this is. I literally just typed it in here. Haven't even written it down yet. The words "well, Im awake" was supposed to be just the opening to this journal, not a poem. It's 3 am and I'm awake still. Just sitting in the dorm by myself. I'm thinking about some things. My Grandmother had a stroke one night earlier this week. She isn't doing well. Shes in her upper 80s. I should have just missed a few classes and gone to see her earlier this week. Better yet I should have made the drive this weekend to go see her. But I didnt. I feel bad, but I just couldn't do it. For those of you who have been my friend on here for a while know that I went through a big loss not even 6 months ago. I'm just now getting through it, and I really don't want to have to get through that again. I know that avoiding it isn't going to keep it from happening, but I don't want to face it. So I hide.  -Hannah