New nightmares, or triggers, depending on your view
Ugh, I have so much catching up to do with people here...it's been several months since I've last logged onto here. I'm sorry for the very, very long hiatus.
So far, the therapy sessions have done nothing. My meds have been adjusted a couple of times, but I'm getting no help on the underlying issues. I'm having more success exchanging e-mails with the few friends that I have...they seem to have much better ears and understanding.
I've switched therapists and am trying a different one next week, but I am not optimistic.
And I think my issues are getting worse. The newest trigger came from looking at news headlines on Yahoo over lunch this past Wednesday. It was a story out of Denver involving an exchange student from Africa and some friends of his who went to Colorado on spring break because they wanted to try marijuana; recreational use became legal, with some restrictions, there on the first of this year. One member of the group was old enough (21+) to buy a pot (marijuana) cookie from one of the recreational shops in the area, and some in the group proceeded to try it.
One tried to eat it, got sick, and stopped immediately. The student in question also tried it, exhibited some very aggressive behavior that was not like him, and started pulling stuff off of the hotel room where the group was staying. His friends managed to temporarily restrain him, but later he went to the balcony of the fourth floor of the hotel where they were, and proceeded to jump to his death. The coroner had his body tested for over 250 substances, but the only one that came back positive was THC, the psychoactive ingredient in pot. The death was ruled an accident, but marijuana intoxication was listed as the main factor.
Given that I still feel that people are up to no good generally, it was just a matter of time before reading this story -- and finding out that it wasn't a joke, I had no idea there was such a thing as edible cannabis before this week -- morphed into a nightmare on consecutive nights.
On Thursday, the nightmare was about me being force-fed a pot cookie, which promptly woke me up at 3am...and I couldn't fall back asleep after that. It scares me so because I know darn well what would happen if I tried drugs, and the fact that I don't want to find out firsthand is exactly why; I know it wouldn't end good. The same goes with alcochol.
The next day, I tried to talk this story out with my trainer, who relayed a story about a friend of his who got super high after eating an entire pot brownie...and it wasn't a small one. It laid him over for three days. That night, unsurprisingly, the nightmare came back, this time with said pot brownie involved, with basically the same result. It was small wonder, then, that I was especially cranky yesterday.
Two things really stick out at me from this:
a) If recreational marijuana becomes legal in Massachusetts...I'm fleeing to Canada. I will have seen enough.
b) It seems, as time goes on, that it is taking less and less for my beliefs that exposing myself will only get me killed...I don't want to go anywhere new anymore because I don't feel that any place is safe now. Maybe I'm going to have to accept that I'm paranoid.
(sigh) A year ago, I thought that maybe having two part-time jobs would be possible. Now, it just looks like another unrealistic dream shot to pieces. I should have seen this coming.
So far, the therapy sessions have done nothing. My meds have been adjusted a couple of times, but I'm getting no help on the underlying issues. I'm having more success exchanging e-mails with the few friends that I have...they seem to have much better ears and understanding.
I've switched therapists and am trying a different one next week, but I am not optimistic.
And I think my issues are getting worse. The newest trigger came from looking at news headlines on Yahoo over lunch this past Wednesday. It was a story out of Denver involving an exchange student from Africa and some friends of his who went to Colorado on spring break because they wanted to try marijuana; recreational use became legal, with some restrictions, there on the first of this year. One member of the group was old enough (21+) to buy a pot (marijuana) cookie from one of the recreational shops in the area, and some in the group proceeded to try it.
One tried to eat it, got sick, and stopped immediately. The student in question also tried it, exhibited some very aggressive behavior that was not like him, and started pulling stuff off of the hotel room where the group was staying. His friends managed to temporarily restrain him, but later he went to the balcony of the fourth floor of the hotel where they were, and proceeded to jump to his death. The coroner had his body tested for over 250 substances, but the only one that came back positive was THC, the psychoactive ingredient in pot. The death was ruled an accident, but marijuana intoxication was listed as the main factor.
Given that I still feel that people are up to no good generally, it was just a matter of time before reading this story -- and finding out that it wasn't a joke, I had no idea there was such a thing as edible cannabis before this week -- morphed into a nightmare on consecutive nights.
On Thursday, the nightmare was about me being force-fed a pot cookie, which promptly woke me up at 3am...and I couldn't fall back asleep after that. It scares me so because I know darn well what would happen if I tried drugs, and the fact that I don't want to find out firsthand is exactly why; I know it wouldn't end good. The same goes with alcochol.
The next day, I tried to talk this story out with my trainer, who relayed a story about a friend of his who got super high after eating an entire pot brownie...and it wasn't a small one. It laid him over for three days. That night, unsurprisingly, the nightmare came back, this time with said pot brownie involved, with basically the same result. It was small wonder, then, that I was especially cranky yesterday.
Two things really stick out at me from this:
a) If recreational marijuana becomes legal in Massachusetts...I'm fleeing to Canada. I will have seen enough.
b) It seems, as time goes on, that it is taking less and less for my beliefs that exposing myself will only get me killed...I don't want to go anywhere new anymore because I don't feel that any place is safe now. Maybe I'm going to have to accept that I'm paranoid.
(sigh) A year ago, I thought that maybe having two part-time jobs would be possible. Now, it just looks like another unrealistic dream shot to pieces. I should have seen this coming.
Replies
Oh, my friend :( so very sorry to hear this weed thing is affecting you so much...but this is the biggest thing to remember...that was a SINGLE and VERY isolated and VERY odd incident. Pot, for the vast majority, has anti-anxiety and relaxing effects. I don\'t know what type of crazy reaction that kid had, but please remember...it was a very ODD reaction.
I need to apologize too...seems like we dropped off DS at the same time! LOL...you\'ve been in my thoughts though, hoping you were doing well.
Here anytime you need an ear, PM, Skype, whatever works. Wishing you peace and lights as always