New month, same old crap. Nov 1, 2018

Well, its a new month and i'm already screwed as ussual. I am so anxious and shakky its hard to even type this. Maintenece came in today and my apt is so dirty, it rained all day, i'm anxious about everything. Have to take more meds just to think strait and i really dont. I gained weight, i'm filthy, i'm cold its only 40 degrees out and i had to go out and get cigs and lighters i steped in a big mud patch of the street that will prob never get fixed its a mud pit in front of my apt. I'm embarresed that ive let myself get this bad. i'm so issolated and sad. Son still not working. Its always something with me. I wish my mom would have lived, i miss her. I have my aunt who i love but dont call for days. Everyone in my family is worried about me, and i dont know what to do anymore. I sleep so much im like rip van winkle the girl version.Think i will go to a group but alot of times there is noone there or its dormant for a long time and even closed. Its been so long sence ive been on here. I'm givbing prob too much info but i dont care.OK wanted to write while i can still type. does anyone know how to give indiviguble or group hugs? OK hugs to anyone who reads this