New ideas leapfrogging from ‘anticipation’
I am coming to see some truths about life.
Yesterday my perspective was there are many realities in the world and the one that makes sense to me as a blanket idea is that we are all fighting to get along snd survive in life (and so have compassion was my conviction)
Just tonight, after writing that last post about anticipation, another idea came to me.
Yes I have to create some things for anticipation in life and not just accept anxiety freezing depression and stasis.
So much of that inactivity and anxiety comes from the lack of permission but really the sense of violence (vulnerability) you experience when you make plans, and new ideas and make a go at manifesting those plans around other people. I’m realizing I have to look above and beyond those passions and violence that seemingly come from around me and from within me. Though I may be experiencing the pain of them both incoming and self inflicted.
It’s showing me new courage and possibilities. A kind of flexibility and strength. But one night of ideas won’t make a solution. It’s a journey for sure.
Sending love and good vibes.
Mark
Replies
And I wrote this text to friends the other day,
It’s got more meaning now.
“I had an idea tonight that the way we decorate our homes and what we wear, the art we collect too says all about the dialogue we like to have with world. It makes me look at myself for sure. It reminded me also of you guys, i thought you might like the idea! I hope things are good…. Yay Spain!”
My friend Jodi wrote back:
It says a lot about us and who we are and how we want to be seen too. It’s “armour”.
I think the vulnerability here is that they (in monastic life) are so friggin exacting and then unleash their passions on the receiver that I find doing assertive creative or any projects for them is an exhausting idea too.
But I can’t make that excuse. If I were on my own would I find another reason to not assert myself?
Sending love and good vibes back atcha sweetie
Some people can be exhausting I hear ya especially type A +++
It's difficult to meet exacting standards while also bringing your own perspective to your work. I've experienced that when asked to write music for a particular purpose (for example, a play). The challenge is finding the balance between honoring their needs and contributing something uniquely your own. Maybe this project doesn't have to be either/or -- it could be both. I'm certain that you have your own style. Maybe you can adapt it so it fits their vision while still being authentically yours. I hope you'll put more faith in your instincts than your inner critic. : )
Only you can answer whether you'd find another excuse if you were on your own. Putting yourself out there is scary! I can't help but wonder if God gave you this project for a reason. Maybe this is an opportunity not only to create something meaningful for the monastery, but also to practice trusting the gifts He's given you.
Hugs.
That is so beautiful Judy!!!!!!!!!!
I agree I have been learning new things that are indeed providential.
may i be excused from your all-encompassing fight blanket? as a natural, hyperactive fighter, much of my psychotherapy has been focused on fighting less and managing more. those cultural fight logics are as dangerous for me as a party toast is to an alcoholic. you don't want my unbridled fight reflexes under your royal blanket. collateral damage guaranteed.
i ponder judy's question of whether i would have found another excuse to discontinue my river research if god had not sent my 3 orphans to derail the research. fact is, i don't get to know the road not taken. some answers are not available to mere humans. taking pride in doing my best with the life given me to live is the best i can hope for?
Good vibes to you mate.
Thanks Arfie!
Thanks Rich!!