New - cutting

I'm tired of being alive.  I don't want to live anymore, at least not this life.  If I had a shred of belief that this life was going to turn around soon... I've started cutting.  It's been five years since I've been on daily strength.  I left it because I felt like it wasn't helping... Nothing does.  In the last five years a ton of horrible things have happened.  My house flooded, then a year later cought fire.  My husband was diagnosed with brain cancer and he had to have brain surgery, three months of chemo, and a stem cell transplant... We are currently in the process of losing the house...  I tried to commit suicide.  Failed - unfortunately! Found out that my meds were all messed up went to a new pdoc, found out I was misdiagnosed... I'm not bipolar ... I have ptsd, and now I'm cutting to cope with all of the pain.  I've only cut twice...  My life officially sucks!