New counselor....
I got a call from the domestic violence center. My counselor will no longer be there so they set me up with a new person. My next appointment was this coming Monday but now it's been pushed back to the 19th. I am kind of upset about it. I've only had 3 appointments with the other one but it takes forever to get them at up and now I have to start over with someone new.
My aunt called today and we talked for a while. She's concerned in regards to me going back to him. I haven't had contact with him in almost 2 months and I don't plan on it either. He won't contact me I know for sure but I still feel bad about the whole deal. I know I was his victim. Between being emotionally/mentally and verbally abused I guess in some ways I still feel as tho I deserved it? ?? I dot know. The more I keep reading the more blah I get to feeling. I know I can't change the past. I know I did the right thing leaving for the kids. Why do I feel so lost? Everyone tells me to just get over it and move on but it's not that simple.
My aunt called today and we talked for a while. She's concerned in regards to me going back to him. I haven't had contact with him in almost 2 months and I don't plan on it either. He won't contact me I know for sure but I still feel bad about the whole deal. I know I was his victim. Between being emotionally/mentally and verbally abused I guess in some ways I still feel as tho I deserved it? ?? I dot know. The more I keep reading the more blah I get to feeling. I know I can't change the past. I know I did the right thing leaving for the kids. Why do I feel so lost? Everyone tells me to just get over it and move on but it's not that simple.
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\"Everyone tells me to just get over it and move on but it\'s not that simple.\"
I definitely understand this. People ask me why I put up with what I did, why did I let a woman abuse me, why can\'t I just write her off as crazy and move on. Some people understand. It isn\'t easy. This relationship forced me to re-evaluate what I think about other people, my goals and aspirations, and how I view life in general.
You don\'t just \"get over it\". You work through it. You acknowledge how you feel, and you allow yourself to feel it, you sit with your sadness, your anger. You don\'t act it out, you just sit with it. When you honor yourself in this way, it will just go away, on it\'s own. Here is a link that explains \"sitting with our sadness\" better than I ever could.
http://www.dailyom.com/articles/2010/26687.html
It\'s a life change. It\'s not always comfortable to make a change like this, even when you know it\'s a good one, and that you did it for all the right reasons. But it gets easier. And when you start looking at all the wonderful things you have...then you will stop missing what you didn\'t have but hoped to.
I hope the new therapist works out for you. But in the meantime, read, read read. Spend time going within, allowing yourself to rediscover the beautiful person you are.
big hugs...
Yes azkevin others saw things in my relationship before I was able to see things and it seems as tho I continue to doubt something\'s like how things were. I double back on stuff wondering if I hadn\'t done what I did it could have turned out differently but being that I know he\'s an abuser of sorts it wouldn\'t matter any way. There would always be another problem that would come up and he would twist it however to the point where I would continue carrying the blame.
Thanks hockeymom for those kind words and I will look at that website soon as I am having problems connecting tonight it seems. I keep reading materials people post on here and I have some books but I seem to lose Interest in the books pretty fast. Have a hard time keeping my mind from wondering unless it\'s going over something that \"talks\" with me. Thanks again.
So glad you are out, no one deserves that type of life. I am also going through a bit of a blah time as well. I think it\'s part of the cycles of healing. You are probably right on schedule and don\'t even know it!