Never know what to expect.

So last night i came home from work, stressed and extremly depressed. I had a panic attack on the way home, i couldnt stop thinking about how soon my wife and kids will be leaving to Alaska. So i got home greeted my family then went upstairs to the room im now living out of. My wife followed up behind me talking to me, I was engaging in the convo.  I turned around after a min and she had just left.  so i decided to take a long hot bath with a beer or two.  this ended up pissing her off, she left with the kids and just kinda drove around for an hour.  When they got back she went and hid in what is now her room.  i went outside drank some hot green tea, went for a walk and journaled for a while with my music playing on the head phones.  she came out side in tears and asked me to come in and talk with her.  I didnt really want to, I was still distraught and didnt want to upset her anymore. I did regardless and I poured my heart and soul out to her for 30 min. She  had fallen asleep on the sofa.  I just watched her sleep for about 10 min. I went to get up and use the restroom, she said she needed to go to bed.  about ten min later she called me on the cell phone and asked me to come to her. I RAN to her, im powerless when it comes to her.  she invited me in and asked me to sit on our bed and tell her everything i had said when she had fallen asleep.  So i did, again im powerless with her.  shes always made me so nervous and scared, i fumble when im near her, i babble and ramble on.  I have always been terrorfied of that feeling so i had always fought it back.  hence why we are where we are,  i still feel that way though.  I just force myself to tell her all the things im thinking about her.  well, not everything lol.  so i spent about another hour talking to her while she laid in our bed and i sat next to her just talking to her.  eventually she cut me off and wanted to get to bed for real.  so i thanked her for the time and attention and went to bed.  for the first time in over 2 months i slept without nightmares and didnt wake up every 20 min or so.  i got up for work this morning almost late lol.  she was already awake, she said she had slept the same.  again i thanked her for last night, she thanked me.  i asked her if we could do that again tonight if she felt up for it.   i havent had anything close to a panic attack as of yet today, or a break down.  i always text to let her know im at work.  she pretty much never responds to it anymore, today was no different.  i went out to my car to see.  i sent her another text thanking her again and told her i hoped she was feeling better.  

when i head home tonight, i have no clue as to what she will be.  will she be happy to see me? happy to talk with me?

i dont know, i expect that she will be back to her sour and hateful mood towards me.  that is a big source of anxiety for me.  the source of my depression and pain is her distance with me.  so what is waiting at home for me tonight?