Negative thoughts haunt me.
Seems that lately I am surrounded by this cloud of darkness. Like I can't be happy or content and I really don't like being this way. Not sure about anything anymore. I don't know who I've become. I trust not a soul.. I question everything.
I'm not happy in my relationship... I put him up way to high on a pedistal and when he fell down my world crumbled. I love him but not the same. I adored him before. Use to watch him sleep with love in my eyes thinking how crazy I was about him and special he was to me. Now everything is different. I wonder at times if I can stay with him yet can't imagine being without him.
I'm so angry at him. This feeling comes and goes. Lately its strong. Different things can trigger it..Mostly when I don't feel that close connection with him. Its like we are all lovey dovey while texting from work. Then when we get home its like our relationship isn't as passionate as our texting. We don't seem that close.
Crazy how being in a newer relationship you compare how the new person is to the previous. My ex husband was very affectionate..Constantly. Made me feel wanted, needed and loved. I feel that my new man don't have that for me. Or maybe, obviously people show love in different ways.
I can't shake the paranoid feelings that he might be seeing someone or still chatting on his phone with other women. Sending them dirty pics. I will never trust him. How do I make this work? Should I? I have good days and really bad ones. I just can't find that person i was so inlove with before.
I'm so angry that he shattered my dreams of a happy ever after with him. Thought we were so connected. How can I be so angry?
Replies
It has taken us almost 2 years... We are better.. Much better! Better than before, but has has to want it just as much or more than you... He has to wake up and try to make u fall in love with him every day!
Have you TOLD HIM what you NEED? Unfortunately, men aren't mind-readers... If you tell him what you need in the relationship and he doesn't respond, well, then it' time to throw him back and re-bait your hook!
I guess I have not really told him. He only said as he begged me not to leave him that he would get me to trust him again.
I just get that voice in my head that says I shouldn't have to tell him I need attention or reassurance.. That if I have to tell him then its like he is only doing it because I had to mention it. As if its not sincere. I suppose I need to let that idea go and just talk to him.