needing to write, share about some things. money, financial stuff

hi angel friends, we love you all, and we know you all love us, and care about us <3 Holly and i have been focusing on lots of nature, gardening, our movies, shows, sports, and enjoying each day to the fullest :) i love to write about our nature walks, and gardening adventures in my journal :) Holly and i have been talking about some good positive changes in our lives, when it comes to financial situations, and financial security :) it's very important to us, like our health is :) In April, Holly and i saved our house, the property tax, that my mom and dad were behind on. i pretty much took almost all of my life savings out of my account, to help save our house. many who have read my journals in the past, know that our family, has some issues with money, and aren't too well when it comes to their financial situations, which can cause a sort of an anchor effect, upon Holly and i, that is uncomfortable, stressful, and frustrating. it's been too much since april.

After my birthday in March, it was late march when began to hear some rumblings going on, about my brother Bobby wanting to borrow some money from Holly and i. his partner Stacy, goes on these trips to other states with my niece Miranda, for cheerleading competitions. last year, Bobby wanted to borrow $1700, and offered to pay us back, $2200 ($500 bonus) when it got his taxes. it went well, and the extra $500 was nice to have. it was a bit worrysome, loaning out that money, but we are thankful it went well. This year, late March, he's talking to my mom, about borrowing, and wanted $1200, and was gonna pay us back, $1500. a good extra $300, once he got his taxes back. at the time, i felt like it was affordable, and wouldn't cut us short financially.

Around April 14th, my parents came to me, they sounded upset, and serious about something. they said, my dad skipped paying the property tax bill in December, and February, and they had until end of April to come up with the money to pay the property tax. i knew i was gonna need to help, it's very important, this is our home. i was very worried about things, as it was gonna take most of my life savings in my bank savings, to help out. i was very extremely upset that no one else in our family, even cared to chip in, or to offer any help. i had lots of talks with my mom, dad, Holly, upstairs in our kitchen, and the disappointment i felt that no one else was willing to help. we took some trips to my bank as the month of April went on, to withdraw the money, and i ended up loaning $8,000 to my parents, to save our house. my parents told me they would pay me back, $2000 per month, they did in may, but Jenn and family had car issues, and my dad and mom ended up helping them out, so that they could get a new car, my parents asked me if they could pay me back $1000 earlier this month, i said,that would be fine. i've been adding money to my bank also, online earnings, to help build my money up, while my parents pay me back. my dad recieved his social security payment the 2nd wednesday of each month.they've paid me back $3,100, it's in my bank, and next payment is July 8th. it's been heavy, and emotional, stressful at times, waiting, but i can be patient.

my brother Bobby, who borrowed $1200 from me, hasn't texted me once, not one time, since april 10th. he calls/texts my mom though, and it's very strange he doesn't send me a reassurance text. my mom found out from him, that he's had some issues with his taxes, and hasn't recieved his tax return, which means there's no money to pay me the $1500 he promised. he and family though, go on these vacations, go out to restaurants, and he can't even kick me a $100 or $200 a week, he has a well paying job. i feel very disrespected, and very disappointed in him. he told my mom last week, he's gonna be coming up here, to pay me $500 for the next 3 weeks, but i feel like there's doubts, and worries inside me, with lots of stress. every day, i've hoped, and wished, to get good news he was gonna be paying me my $1500, but hasn't, and each day has gone by, with the money not back to me yet. i've felt very bad, as we need our money. i've helped my parents with $300 in may, to help with cable bill, costs of foods, and items. they still owe me $4900, i know they're good for it, but my brother, i feel very betrayed, not just because he hasn't paid me back yet, but because, he hasn't even had the decentcy to text me. i'm not texting him, i won't beg him, for my money back, i won't stoop to that level, after i was the one who helped. he is supposed to contact me. Holly and i are not gonna be going to their gatherings, either at the restaurant, or their house. Bobby and family are different, they live above their means, and it's the last time we will be helping them with money. when we went to their house in early March, it was very uncomfortable. the way they talk, it was all innappropriate, and really made us feel disgusted. Stacy, Bobby's partner, she has my niece Miranda, doing cheerleading, and acting way older than she is. it's disgusted many members of our family, including Jenn who called Stacy out on it, on facebook.

my mom came to me this morning, told me she and my dad are behind on utiltities, and gonna talk with Alyssa, her husband Aj. Jenn and family aren't doing very well with money either. Holly and i have been focused on earning more money, and having financial stability, conserving money, saving and using gift cards we earn online. it's been very stressful, and emotional. i feel like i've personally have been the lightning rod of the family. when i helped my parents in april with the $8000, no one was supposed to come to me for any money, my mom told family not too, and they still do. Jenn even came to me for help. i just couldn't do it, we need money too, and everyone acts like we're the well, and bank, we're not, and the well here is dry. Holly and i are really sick of it. it's caused us many days that get derailed, and money is the main focus. we manage, and do the best we can do, and i was very proud to save our house in May. my mom talks with my brother Bobby, and i told her, to please have him text me, by the end of today, to reassure me he is coming this friday with the first $500 payment, it would mean a lot to me.

i can't take on everyone's financial burdens, it's strained me, and has stressed me to the max. i've been low on cash, because my helped my mom and dad, and also with Bobby not paying me back, i went to my bank yesterday to withdraw some money. i feel very uspet, about things, Holly does too. we're not happy with some of our family members, putting us in a position of financial dispair, that we shouldn't have to worry about. it's derailed our financial goals of this year, but we're strong people, and gonna make it thru it. i'm sick of other family members financial issues, putting a strain on us. there's gonna be changes, for the positive. even if Holly and i have to tell white lies when asked for money, we're gonna need too, because sometimes family doesn't take no for an answer. Holly and i are earning sometimes, a little over a $1 or $2 a day, and family coming at us, for savings, it's wrong, and we need to put our foot down more. like i said, Bobby's gatherings, are a no go for us, for the foreseeable future. for him not to text me one time, since april 10th, to reassure me, that he'd get the money back to me, it's caused some strain, and cracks, that's paths of stress, anxiety, depression, and frustration, that i don't feel can be filled in, to heal, anytime soon. i want that money back from Bobby, so i can have control again and the ability to say, "no" next time. 

Holly and i have been doing a lot here in our home, with my mom's injury and my dad going out to uber drive, Holly and i are the caregivers of our pets, and pretty much in charge of things here at home, we do cleaning, organizing. we had roof issues here in our downstairs apartment last weekend, saturday evening, before game 5 of the nba finals, one of our sheet rock slabs caved in, and it was a mess. we've had to do lots of cleaning, organizing, and put up new ceiling in that area. we've had so much thrown at us, in recent times. we've kept strong thru it all, and i'm proud i've been able to write journals about nature, gardening, and also about simple joys we enjoy. 

when i get that $1500 back, i'm gonna hoard it, for our own financial security, for my mom, dad, Holly and i. We're not gonna be doing much this summer season. home, gardening, earning, enjoying our sports radio, i look forward to writing about all of that. i've reached a breaking point with the stress, that's unhealthy, both emotionally and physically. Holly and i are gonna work on earning money, keeping to ourselves, and also may even have to eventually block some numbers of family memebrs in our phones, to protect ourselves, and to get our balance back in a healthy way. i've been wishing the days away, to get my money back, as soon as get paid back more, i'm looking forward to not wishing the days away, and being able to do more with money, that i want too, like collectibles, and movies, and more. not property tax, car tax, rent, bills, and more. it's been good, and refreshing to write this, because the bottle top of emotions has been overflowing for a while. my mom and dad, make mistakes with their purchases, financialy, they have 3 cars. 2 cars, and a mini van. their accountant gave them a car in late 2025, my dad sold it, and then goes and gets a newer car. he can't help himself. it's caused financial strain.

Later on today, i want to write about our garden, nature walks, and how the day is going :) it looks like clear weather. thank you angel friends, for understanding, that every once in a while, i've needed to write a journal like this, to help get my spirit balance back on track, with focused on writing how i love to write, about our days, gardening, nature, and simple joys we enjoy. i've felt like a dented can for a long time, especially since april, with worry, stress, and frustration with depression too. Holly and i are gonna take control again, of our financial stability and security, so we can do things with our money, that we want to do :) like buying things for our home,collectibles, maybe a nice mcdonalds dinner, or something. we just cut back so much, because we've had to help out, and put in positions of being the ones who are the financially responsible pillars of the family.