Needing to be here.
i need to be here tonight. Now that I am I don't know what say. My heart has really been heavy this week missing Josh so much. Almost eight years and you would think the emptiness would go away but it doesn't . The sad thing no one truly knows unless they have walked in these shoes. I think my week started out on Saturday of last week going to a bike run with John for his birthday. The run was called Jacob's Run. John had bought a ticket to attend and wanted to go so I went. This event is in memory of Jacob Allen Floares that died on October 10th, 2010 in a car accident. There were 4 in the car and only one survived. The one pulling time Right now. Jacob was only 17. The money that is raised goes to the children's hospital in Greenville NC. John works with Jacobs brother in law. So we went. There were 900 bikers (motorcycles)(no we don't have one). What an awesome thing to see this for this young man. John and I had the opportunity to talk with his father. We told our story about Josh. He said we are not alone they are many parents without there children that hurt the way he does and you and I. He said he could look at someone and tell they have lost a child because the glow in their eyes has faded. He wants to start attending our road clean ups for Josh, which we have one coming up October 4th for his birthday. My heart aches for his family has the four year angel day approaches. Since Saturday I have had a heavy heart. Seeing his parents and knowing they know the hurt that we all know. Being a member of this club sucks. But I am so thankful I found FMO in the early stages to help me be able to say this. I am parent that has survived almost eight years of hell after losing my child. For some reason I have wanted to shout that out to the top of my lungs today. So I am shouting it out to you. Yes I have ups and downs but I have survived. Maybe John and I will make good friends with Jacobs parents And have that connection with them. The connection of knowing the hurt.
Mama update: she has moved into a senior apartment and loving it!!!!! She is making friends with her neighbors and really enjoying it. Hoping it continues.
Just know you may not see me much but I love you all.
Mama update: she has moved into a senior apartment and loving it!!!!! She is making friends with her neighbors and really enjoying it. Hoping it continues.
Just know you may not see me much but I love you all.
Replies
I logged on tonight and the first thing I saw was your journal and it touched me and I feel exactly as you said: Nine years and you would think the emptiness would go away but it doesn\'t . The sad thing no one truly knows unless they have walked in these shoes. Like you said it has been eight years for you without your precious Josh and the emptiness does not go away. Sending you a hug on this evening. Glad your Mom is doing good....Nell
I believe the emptiness will always be there. Hoping you\'ve made that connection with Jacob\'s parents. Glad Mama is doing well. Sue xo
I think you have spoken for all of us. I suspect I will feel this emptiness for the rest of my life.
I am so glad your mother is enjoying the seniors\' apartment. Not everyone settles in so well.
Take care,
Love and hugs, Marlene
Love and gentle hugs,
Marlene
900 bikers.... that is awesome.... am glad you went and had a chance to connect with John\'s father.... love to you and John....
The emptiness is always there...we just learn to live with it...some days are easier than others. We have all survived something I never thought I would, if you would have asked me if I would still be alive 8 years later I would have said no way. Just keep putting one foot in front of the other...Hugs, Ann
Yes this emptiness will be with us forever, It is good that you both can connect with Jacob\'s parents. Hugs to you, Kathy
I hope your heavy & broken heart is touched with some peace today Rhonda.
You & John deserve good things my sweet friend. Sending many hugs & blowing a kiss to gently land on your cheek.
You are a vital part of our village here dear friend and what matters is that you know it\'s a soft place to land when you are needing just that.
I understand what you mean by the \"look.\" I can spot it too and I think that is why retreats are vital because for once everyone does \"look\" just like I do and there are no explanations needed.
Hoping you can connect with these parents and if not you have reached out a hand and a heart and that is what matters.
Delighted that your mama is happy and what an incredible sigh of relief this must be for you. Please go and do something special just for YOU and give that darling hubby of yours a big hug and tell him to hug you back even tighter as that one is from me. Promise?!
Love your way and to your peace loving son, Josh.
XO Joanie
I hear you my friend! I too feel the need to shout....I HAVE SURVIVED! I think...I hope...it encourages and inspires other moms to never give up!
YAY for your mom loving her new digs!! What a blessing that is!
LOVE YOU!
Love to Josh!
We always seem to be on the same wave lengths! I send you and josh my love, my hugs and my kisses! Sitting beside you, screaming at the sky to bring our boys home!
Sending you a super tight understanding hug!
Love and Peace,
Diane
Rhonda, so nice for your mom.
I agree with you. This club is a tough one and it really does suck to be a member. Thank goodness we have FMO and I am sure Jacob\'s parents appreciated you coming out in his honor. Much love to you and Josh, Linda