Need Some SERIOUS Advice
I have a 14 year old neice. She turns 15 in August. She asked to talk to me tonight and I said sure, and she came over and handed me two pregnancy tests. Both read positive. She went to the doc, did his pee test, positive. Now all she has left is the blood work.
Back track. She has been with the same boy for about eight months. He is 2 years older. He told her, and she believed, that sex without protection is okay as long as you pull out before the deed is done. I promptly informed her tonight that that's a lie. Who knows, maybe he honestly believed that too....but they both were naive and now have made a little being.
He told her that if she doesn't get an abortion he would be disgusted with her. And that having a child will ruin thier lives. That his parents will kick him out and that there is no way she will finish school, ever get a good job, ever go anywhere in life. She is 14, so she cannot have an abortion without parental consent....and she won't get that. But she told me she doesn't really want an abortion she doesn't think. She and I talked for a awhile about abortion, adoption, keeping it.
It's been almost exactly a month since her last period, but it was lighter so she doesn't really know how far along she is. Definitley still in the abortion range though.
My mom, her grandma (who raises her) told her abortion was evil. Her own mother told her she would disown her. My sister, her other aunt, said it was terrible and she would be a horrible person. I told her that I'm against abortion, but it's not my body, so it's not my decision.
She's yo-yoing all over the place. She think she should get rid of it because it will ruin her life, so she has been told repeatedly since she told him. But she wonders about adoption but thinks carrying, birthing, then handing over her baby will be too hard. Then she wants to keep it (and I seriously think this option is winning out right now) but she is worried that her boyfriend will leave her.I just tell her that it's her decision. He can help her decided but he can't make it for her. That if she chooses abortion then everyone will get over it one day. But that it's really final and she may have regrets. That if she chooses adoption, there is open adoption. And seeing someone so happy to hold that little baby may be a good feeling. And I tell her if she keeps it she has a whole big family to support her, and if her boyfriend leaves....well...what does that say about him? If you can do the deed you ought to be able to make sure the consequences are within your realm of handle-able.
She's not the most mature person in the world, but she is more mature then alot of kids her age. I told her that she can still finish school, and that she can still get a good job. And that yes, baby's are expensive, but there are programs to help her.
I'm going to call our local health clinic tomorrow, and see if I can find a planned parenthoood centre or something similar in our community. And then we are going to hop on a bus and go there tomorrow.
What would you guys tell her? What would you do if you were her? What can I do that I'm not doing to help her?
She is 14.....and there isn't any going back to before she got pregnant. So now she has to deal with it. And she isn't even out of the red zone for miscarriages yet. But she's so torn up and it's hard to watch.
I keep telling her to take deep breathes. Nothing has to be decided today, or tomorrow, or the day after. She has some time to think and plan.
Back track. She has been with the same boy for about eight months. He is 2 years older. He told her, and she believed, that sex without protection is okay as long as you pull out before the deed is done. I promptly informed her tonight that that's a lie. Who knows, maybe he honestly believed that too....but they both were naive and now have made a little being.
He told her that if she doesn't get an abortion he would be disgusted with her. And that having a child will ruin thier lives. That his parents will kick him out and that there is no way she will finish school, ever get a good job, ever go anywhere in life. She is 14, so she cannot have an abortion without parental consent....and she won't get that. But she told me she doesn't really want an abortion she doesn't think. She and I talked for a awhile about abortion, adoption, keeping it.
It's been almost exactly a month since her last period, but it was lighter so she doesn't really know how far along she is. Definitley still in the abortion range though.
My mom, her grandma (who raises her) told her abortion was evil. Her own mother told her she would disown her. My sister, her other aunt, said it was terrible and she would be a horrible person. I told her that I'm against abortion, but it's not my body, so it's not my decision.
She's yo-yoing all over the place. She think she should get rid of it because it will ruin her life, so she has been told repeatedly since she told him. But she wonders about adoption but thinks carrying, birthing, then handing over her baby will be too hard. Then she wants to keep it (and I seriously think this option is winning out right now) but she is worried that her boyfriend will leave her.I just tell her that it's her decision. He can help her decided but he can't make it for her. That if she chooses abortion then everyone will get over it one day. But that it's really final and she may have regrets. That if she chooses adoption, there is open adoption. And seeing someone so happy to hold that little baby may be a good feeling. And I tell her if she keeps it she has a whole big family to support her, and if her boyfriend leaves....well...what does that say about him? If you can do the deed you ought to be able to make sure the consequences are within your realm of handle-able.
She's not the most mature person in the world, but she is more mature then alot of kids her age. I told her that she can still finish school, and that she can still get a good job. And that yes, baby's are expensive, but there are programs to help her.
I'm going to call our local health clinic tomorrow, and see if I can find a planned parenthoood centre or something similar in our community. And then we are going to hop on a bus and go there tomorrow.
What would you guys tell her? What would you do if you were her? What can I do that I'm not doing to help her?
She is 14.....and there isn't any going back to before she got pregnant. So now she has to deal with it. And she isn't even out of the red zone for miscarriages yet. But she's so torn up and it's hard to watch.
I keep telling her to take deep breathes. Nothing has to be decided today, or tomorrow, or the day after. She has some time to think and plan.
Replies