numb
to my dear friendsi dont know who to talk to. i heard something almost 2 days ago, i talked to my family, but i am so numb i can hardly move. as you are all aware, my dad has left to australia. and as you know, i have had a VERY VERY hard time dealing with this issue in my life, maybe especially since i was so close to him, and he was so involved in my life, with caring for jessy, and the others and they have problems. and my dad is a doctor. and in the last 2 or 3 years with his parkinsons and alzheimers he didnt practise anymore, but remained very close to me and my kids. well, word got back to me via the grapvine, that my dad's wife had told people that PART OF THE REASON she had to take my dad away is because ME AND THE KIDS WERE SUCH A DRAIN ON HIM!!!! she apparently said a "financial drain". after my husband walked out in 2003 i was left with jessy, brain damaged, ill. khaely aged 5 and jarod aged 3 AND I WAS PREGNANT. and yes, my dad did help me. but in the last 2 years, since david has been in my life, they havent helped me financially AT ALL!! well anyway, when i heard this i nearly vomited. and something inside me died. the whole departure was so traumatic as it is already, pretty much knowing that i have been robbed of looking after my dad in his old age, of losing him altogether, of knowing deep down i will not see him again. i am so traumatised, its been nearly a month since he's gone, and i am in such shock still (at our separation). now ON TOP OF THIS, this is what i had to hear. my sisters tell me its just my dad's wife trying to justify why she took him away cos she knows it was a wrong thing to do - to him, to me, and to my children. they also say maybe she resented his closeness to us. nevertheless, just the THOUGHT that i might have been such a drain on him - i feel hurt, devastated, HUMILIATED. Most of all, i feel dead. i wanted to write to you, my special friends, last nite. i switched on my computer, logged on, and then just sat and stared at it. then switched off. i lay with my head on my pillow and closed my eyes. i could barely function the last 2 days. am i, and my whole life, maybe just such a burden to everyone? maybe.i have jessy's picture on my table top in my bedroom, and i look at her and i wonder what she's thinking of all this. i miss her. ive lost her and ive lost my dad in the same year. its like the end of an era.my loss of her was so painful because..... you know, needless to explainand now the loss of my dad, WITH the hurt and rejection and ruthlessness, its shocking i feel dead, and i just dont know how to wake up, or feel anything anymore, let alone alive.what am i going to do?what am i going to do?
Replies
any other time in your life this might have been easier to deal with..but now? impossiblly devastating..grief after grief and a cruel stepmother to boot..here for you now. me
I am so very sorry to hear this...it is so hard to deal everything you have in the past year or so but to hear this what a slap in the face. I am sure your dad didn\'t think that - it is probably just his wife trying to justify what she has done. For your dad sake try & keep the lines of communication open with/to him - no matter how very hard it might be - sounds like he needs you as much as you need him. I will continue to keep you in my prayers & hope that you make it through yet another huge dip in your life...remember you are an amazing & very strong women...Hugs, Ann
Just remember you are an amazing & so very strong person..how devestating this must be for you. In spite of everything try & keep the lines of communication open to/with you dad - sounds like he needs it as much as you. Just remember it was your step mother talking NOT your dad I am sure he would not agree with anything she has said. I will continue to pray for you to have strength to make it through this huge dip in your life. Hugs, Ann
I am so sorry you are going through so much pain. Blended families just aren\'t the same. I guess there are a few great ones out there, but the majority of them are like yours and mine. Maybe your stepmother is jealous of the close relationship and she doesn\'t like it, maybe she wants everythingfor herself and her family. Its hard to say but she will never take your love away. Your dad is ill and if he were in beter health he may not of approved of this move. It is sad circumstances and I hate to see people in pain. I hope you can somehow communicate with your father and keep all the great memories you have close to your heart. My prayers are with you. Hugs Kelly
I tend to agree with your sis that your step mom is just trying to justify her reasons for taking him and it\'s so unfair to lay blame on you especially because of the toll it\'s taking on you. It\'s hard when you have step parents and the biological parent wants to help in ways that the other may disagree especially financially. It\'s a fine line but it was his choice to help you so she shouldn\'t be concerned with his and yours business. I\'m so sorry. Maybe you can see a counselor to help find some additional coping mechanisms and ways to rid your numbness. I agree with others, keep in touch as best as you can with your father. Hang in there friend. Love to you. Robin
You are anything but a drain on people! You are the strength for your children and no doubt for your Dad which is why this terrible woman was so jealous of you and your relationship with him. Your sisters are right, it is her resentment of you that caused her to take him away, not anything you else you did or didn\'t do. Janice, hug your kids (as I know you do) and ignore anything you hear that SHE might have said to anyone. She is not worth your energy. Big hugs, Charlotte. xox
Janice,
I should be the last one giving advice here as I am living this nightmare right now myself...but know that I understand on a different level the devastation you are feeling from multiple losses. Grief revisits us on the turn of a heal while we are still grieving the loss of our child. Whether it is the loss of a loved one, the loss of a relationship, the loss of trust and security, the loss or threat of loss of a job...the loss of our pride, the loss of our purpose and direction in life...in reality the loss of ourselves. We just have to know that somehow this will be OK...we will survive this, too.
And yes, we will be changed by it...but right now we just have to hold on, take our time, know our limitations of what we are capable of (or have friends and professionals help us realize this).
Please know that your father did whatever he wanted to out of love. It sounds like to me that your step-mother is justifiying her actions oiut of guilt.
I can understand her wanting to be closer to her family for support through your father\'s illness/conditions--but it was thoughtless of her not to take not only your feelings into consideration, but also the feeling of the rest of your family (siblings, etc.).
Remember that your father loved you and your family...that is what you must keep close to help sustain you. You bear no responsibility in this so do not harbor guilt. You father would not want that.
Love,
Ann
I agree with your sister, this is a way for his wife to justify something even she knows is wrong. I know telling you to think of the source and let it go will not help but it is what needs to be done. Don\'t let her pettiness cause you more pain. Remember how close you and your Dad were and hold on to that. He sounds like a wonderful person who would only do the things he wanted and you know he wanted to help you. Just one day at a time that\'s all we can do. Love and hugs Cathy