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My mother is asking me what's wrong but she can't help. she never has been able to help me, especially when I needed it. She was never there, so she can't help me she can only stand from afar and worry. I am so angry at her, and my dad, and everyone else in my life when I was growing up. I feel so disabled. And this fucking journaling isn't helping. It's such bullshit. Everything / everyone is bullshit. I don't know why my therapist insists I go on a dating website when I don't even know what it is to be in a relationship, or even know a good man. I'm too old at this point. I've failed. I'm going to die alone. With no children. Just like I always knew deep down. I cry all the time, I use to cry all the time when I was little as well. I cry all the time and I have to hide my puffy eyes at work, it's so embarrassing. I'm crying now. I cried till 3am yesterday. No one wants me, of course they don't. I'm so desperately alone and inexperienced, no one wants the desperately lonely.