my unconventional life :)

what's coming to me is that when I having been thinking about my future

i have been thinking of ideals. I kind of had to rethink this - and I have come

to see my life and its direction for its unconventional direction/style - I mean "What is

a conventional life anyway?" - I kind of stop myself when I don't fit an ideal -

so maybe it's time to start being a little more flexible - and proactive.

I don't see a way to plan my life for a pretty picture if it can be or cannot be.

(I really need to live

life for what I can do - and hold it as a "badge of courage" for surviving in the face of MI.)

I also know that I tend to want to think in terms of aesthetics of/for what to do and where

I will go - 

but that kind of, I think,has left me feeling and being a little passive (and really narrow in scope.)

This morning I woke up feeling dead lowly in life - and then I recalled a lesson to be

proactive about things - and then my day slowly turned for the better. It's weird

how low I felt - and I know now - I really need to lift the weights of life to build the day.

To reach out to others - to be something to someone besides myself and to be something for myself too.