My Trip To New York- Part 2

I havent seen my family on Charlie's (my abuser and father) side since I was 9 years old. Having the opportunity of seeing them and embracing them was more than words could say. I am a very family oriented person and I always kept in touch with them and never forgot about them. I found them when I was on FACEBOOK. I looked up my cousin Wendy and found so many matches. I went on to send every girl that looked like Wendy a message saying that I have been looking for my long lost cousin and if they were her. I finally got a response from one of the girls saying she was her and it went from there. I called her and I was able to get the whole family's number and made a ton of calls. They were so happy to hear from me and almost every single one asked me the dreaded question: Have you spoken to your father yet??? Everytime they asked me that question I was so sick to my stomach. They all tried to push his number on to me and I wrote it down but never called. Finally, one of my boy cousins gave Charlie my number and thats when he called and I had the balls to ask him why he did what he did to me. I was staying with my younger cousin Wendy in the Bronx. She is 21 is a very smart and successful young lady and I love the shit out of that girl! She was very pleasant to stay with and made sure I was well cared for. She was the only one, besides her older brother Wellington, that knew about what Charlie did to me. She was there for me when I finally broke down from everyone asking me about dam Charlie. Her mother my Tia Yoli sometimes was very persistant in getting info and Wendy would stand up for me and tell her to chill out cuz I didnt have the heart to. Wendy would sit and hear me tell the stories to my uncles and watch me squirm in my seat about questions that were being asked. She finally came out herself seeing how strong I was to tell some family members about it. She too was a victim of Charlie and I was so shocked. It didnt affect her as bad as it affeced me and Im glad to see that. After telling my uncles what happened, they were so pist at Charlie. They started realizing things about him and thinking of their daughters. My uncle Ricardo was so shocked. He even mentioned, " So thats why Charlie would always call me to see how long till I get home from work, he was taking care of my daughter and probably did something to her." The look on my uncle's face made me tear up. My uncles told me that it was always said by Charlie that I would make up stories and that I was a liar. I could have been saying something back then or maybe I didnt and he would say that about me just to cover his ass in case I ever slipped. See, Charlie is a fuck up in the family already. He was an alcoholic and did coke from time to time. Everyone new he was a screw up and pretty much my whole family apologized on his behalf for him not being in my life. They explained that they never wanted me to be so far and they all wished Charlie could have been a better father and tried harder to keep in touch with me through out my life. I was moved to tears when they all at different times expressed that to me. My uncles made a determination to find other victims and create a course of action to this problem. I am happy that I could be an advocate of the family. I received much love and support and I am grateful it turned out as smooth as it did. As for Charlie, he is trying to get me to visit him in Florida. He is so dam persistant its not even funny! I told my uncles that I dont want to go down there without any of them because I dont trust Charlie and I fear he will strike again. I want to see Charlie because I want him to see me and his brothers and tell them the story of my abuse. I want an apology face to face and I want him to seek therapy so he can stop hurting others. I am updating some goals: CROWN MY HEART EVERYDAY because I was so couragious and helped my family be aware of an abuser. BECOME STRESS FREE because I am letting go of such a "ball and chain" problem I have been keeping in my heart and I could now feel myself healing. Thanks for reading =)   

Replies

deleted_user
deleted_user

Wow, what a hero you are, You really bring the light into the darkness and shines all the bright light on what Charlie had done... Good for you and what have you done so far is no other would do better than you do,,, you are such a tough cookie and a great trooper. I am sooo...proud of you. You are not only helping yourself to close the door of your tormenting past , yet you also evoke Wendy\'s consciousness to come out and be able to stand up in front of everybody and to be as strong as you, that not only help to release her inner, long-kept secrecy, also set her free, you are such a compassionate hero to her and your whole family , all this is you have done so far is designed by God\'s will that all things come out this way, God is the orchestrator and the finisher, HE shows us that HE could turn what is the impossible into the possible, and you are the fortunate one who is able to see the miraculous turn outs and the effects on your own journey. May God continues to bless you, and I do agree the thought that you are going to confront Charlie in person in Florida , so you can genuinely close the saddest chapter of your previous abuses. Although the scars will be still there, but your feeling is anew and ready to embrace the love of your life,Joseph. I am so happy for you both, you finally found a man who really loves you for who you are, not for what you are. my best wishes to you both, and hope you are more peaceful and happier as the day goes on....happy forever and everlasting !!!

with my love and hug to you, please take care and be blessed,
fountain
deleted_user
deleted_user

Goodness gurl, im pleased that you stood up 4 yourself and that matters, its time to stop holding your fear for Charlie, God has been condeming him 4 what he did. I know I will confront my brother with his lies & denial but he\'s violent plus he has a gun so I allow God to fight my battles, I\'m here 4 you and you know this. It takes a balls and courage 2 claim yoru innocence I admire you 4 that Keep on fighting 4 us we deserve our lives back! I luv you and proud of you!
deleted_user
deleted_user

hey Krissy
i loved this journal it was so inspirational and powerful to read, its amazing how you found out so much through one person courage and strength. This makes me REALLY wonder about my own family history. I know I am no where near where you are as far as level wise of healing and recovery, but it just so inspirational to read about someone like you who is truly dealing with the reality of her situation to the best of her abilities from the therapy, support and love from your family and true friends your closer to further the steps sooner now than ever, Thanks to you I feel like I will make those needed steps soon. I am glad are friend and I love you

much hugs
christa
deleted_user
deleted_user

well i wish you good luck on what you\'re trying to do. you\'re doing the right thing. hopefully all this will help you to get some closure and move on with your life. if you ever need to talk, i\'m here for you.

*hugs
Ameer