My Take on Marriage

To me marriage is just a legal document tying us together forever when if we really wanted to be together forever, we would just make the commitment in our hearts and souls to each other forever. We don't really need a piece of paper to prove we're married, we feel it within ourselves and that is enough for me at this point I think. I'm not sure what his take on it is right now though, so I guess I'll have to bring that up in a conversation at some point. I kind of feel we're married already, but I just don't feel the emotional intimacy is there like it used to be where we'd finish each others thoughts or sentences and I want something like that with him again and I don't know if we can or ever will get close to having that back and that is just so heartbreaking to me cause I really loved that in the beginning. It made me feel really wanted and loved and cared for. Now, it makes me feel like he doesn't want, care or love me as much as I did/still do to a point anymore. Makes me really sad and lonely and depressed when I think about it.

In my first marriage, I was abused in almost every single way on a daily basis in front of my young children and when I left and filed for divorce it was a whole drawn out long and emotional experience that left me with more stress then I should've had after the divorce was finalized 2 years later. There was custody issues (big time custody issues) and we ended up going to court even after the divorce was final til I just didn't want to fight anymore. I really dislike fighting because it is just a waste of time to me where we could have positive loving memories that bring us closer together as a couple and as a family and that's all I want out of life. That's what God wants for and from us as well. He wants us all to love each other unconditionally as well as love our selves that way too. I just don't understand why everyone is so greedy and jealous and envious of everyone and why we all just don't destroy Satan ourselves to prove to God we love him unconditionally. Isn't that what the Bible says we should do?