My stomach is feeling better
My stomach has calmed down today. I haven't been very hungry today, though, and have had to force myself to eat. I'm going to have to eat ice cream today just to get my calories for the day. Oh well... I know it's the depression. I had trouble getting out of bed today... like *major* trouble. It took me over an hour and a half to get up and out of bed and moving. I got up, had some pizza just to get something in my stomach, and then fell back into bed. I got up and got some water, and then went back into bed. I could barely walk straight I was so tired.
I just got up and did the things I needed to do and then lay back down. Finally I got up to go to the gym and it was closed! I was sad. I wanted to go work out today, but the lady in the apartment office said she was alone and had to go off showing apartments, so she had it closed because she couldn't watch it. She said it's going to be closed for the whole long weekend. I kinda forgot Monday is Memorial Day, so that the office was going to be closed, so I'm going to have to alter my workout routine for Monday. I will just go for a walk and maybe try and jog instead of doing the elliptical machine.
I will get my MP3 player all charged up. I wish I had an iPod or something, but I make do with what I have. At least I have something to listen to music on while I go out. The only reason I want something different is because I want to be able to make a workout playlist and have it randomly choose songs. I could kinda do that on mine, it's just a pain in the butt. I could do it on my cell phone, but on my cell I can't use headphones, just the speaker. I'm picky, I know. I need to be grateful for the things I do have instead of being all funny about the things I don't. I am glad I have my laptop, I can tell you that much. Being able to use the computer in bed is wonderful, and not only because I want to be in bed but because I can get better back support and a heating pad.
I don't know what's with the long journals lately. I've been verbose, I guess. I think I don't feel connected to people, so I write a longer journal in hopes of connecting to someone here on DS. I started adding buddies on Spark People as well, so hopefully this loneliness will pass. I was reading today that people who are afraid of stress are more lonely or something like that. I think it's because Vita is out of town, and even when she gets back into town, she is in school now so I don't have my talk on the phone all night buddy anymore. I was thinking about trying to tutor my niece (Chele's daughter, Lynn) in Spanish, and that would give me something more to do and people to interact with. I'm on the phone with Chele now to see about getting that done.
Mood/Sleep/Stress- Mood- I've been good today moodwise... a bit up and down, but better than the past couple of days. Sleep- I got a lot last night, like 12 hours, but I had a lot of trouble falling asleep and waking up. Stress- I haven't felt stressed today, just tired. I'm trying not to think about what is stressing me out like the car and I guess it's working.
Food: Today I had pizza for breakfast/lunch (it was late and I had the 3 small pieces at different times to cover the first half of my day), stir-fry and rice for lunch and a piece of chicken for dinner. To get my calories for the day, I'm going to have to have some ice cream (oh the horror [half sarcastic- ice cream sometimes does horrify me, but I need to get my daily calories met or else I'm not going to lose weight]) and maybe some yogurt or something. I have half a can of broccoli and cheese soup left over from last night's midnight snack in case I get the midnight munchies again.
I just got up and did the things I needed to do and then lay back down. Finally I got up to go to the gym and it was closed! I was sad. I wanted to go work out today, but the lady in the apartment office said she was alone and had to go off showing apartments, so she had it closed because she couldn't watch it. She said it's going to be closed for the whole long weekend. I kinda forgot Monday is Memorial Day, so that the office was going to be closed, so I'm going to have to alter my workout routine for Monday. I will just go for a walk and maybe try and jog instead of doing the elliptical machine.
I will get my MP3 player all charged up. I wish I had an iPod or something, but I make do with what I have. At least I have something to listen to music on while I go out. The only reason I want something different is because I want to be able to make a workout playlist and have it randomly choose songs. I could kinda do that on mine, it's just a pain in the butt. I could do it on my cell phone, but on my cell I can't use headphones, just the speaker. I'm picky, I know. I need to be grateful for the things I do have instead of being all funny about the things I don't. I am glad I have my laptop, I can tell you that much. Being able to use the computer in bed is wonderful, and not only because I want to be in bed but because I can get better back support and a heating pad.
I don't know what's with the long journals lately. I've been verbose, I guess. I think I don't feel connected to people, so I write a longer journal in hopes of connecting to someone here on DS. I started adding buddies on Spark People as well, so hopefully this loneliness will pass. I was reading today that people who are afraid of stress are more lonely or something like that. I think it's because Vita is out of town, and even when she gets back into town, she is in school now so I don't have my talk on the phone all night buddy anymore. I was thinking about trying to tutor my niece (Chele's daughter, Lynn) in Spanish, and that would give me something more to do and people to interact with. I'm on the phone with Chele now to see about getting that done.
Mood/Sleep/Stress- Mood- I've been good today moodwise... a bit up and down, but better than the past couple of days. Sleep- I got a lot last night, like 12 hours, but I had a lot of trouble falling asleep and waking up. Stress- I haven't felt stressed today, just tired. I'm trying not to think about what is stressing me out like the car and I guess it's working.
Food: Today I had pizza for breakfast/lunch (it was late and I had the 3 small pieces at different times to cover the first half of my day), stir-fry and rice for lunch and a piece of chicken for dinner. To get my calories for the day, I'm going to have to have some ice cream (oh the horror [half sarcastic- ice cream sometimes does horrify me, but I need to get my daily calories met or else I'm not going to lose weight]) and maybe some yogurt or something. I have half a can of broccoli and cheese soup left over from last night's midnight snack in case I get the midnight munchies again.
Replies
hey, dont worry about the long journals, i do it a lot, i think i have only a little to say and suddenly its a mini novel. im sorry if i asked this already, but do you see a therapist aside from the psych.? your depression appears to be in a bad place and not getting better for you. i have chronic depression and anxiety, the depression mostly at bay now, the anxiety still flares. i relate to your situation, deep depression sucks the life out of you. i so wish you to get better and feel that weight lift off. exercise is a great mood lifterand gets your mind off things. to bad the gym is closed but going for a walk is a great idea, i find that clears my mind and anxiety. i hope you dont take offence, but you say you need to lose weigth, are you working with a nutrinionst? meal plan? i am a bit confused, when you say you need to get your calories in to lose weight, what do you mean? it is good though to eat the right calories, dont get me wrong and following a healthy plan is great. glad you dont feel as stressed lets hope that continues. hugsss
You do seen to be a bit more depressed then usual, I never force myself to eat to get my calories, if I don\'t get all my calories one day I am happy that I had a lite day that day and leave it at that. You should do the same. Enjoy your walk on Monday, make sure you notice all the smells and the birds and the pretty flowers. Take care.
When I\'m depressed I have to force myself to eat or else I won\'t eat anything at all for a day or two. I know that this will put my body into starvation mode and I will gain weight when I start eating again. I try and eat about 1,500 calories a day to prevent myself from going into starvation mode. When it\'s the end of the day and I\'m at 1100 calories, I eat ice cream or something.