My rope has ran out

                 Just way too stressed right now. In ten days I face a decision that will either makes life easier, more comfortable and less depressing, or possibly push me over the very fine line between potentially mentally unstable and; as the doctors said the last time I was put in the hospital for this, "A clear and apparent danger to himself and others." I'm really afraid. Its been so long since I was pushed to dissociation. But it was times just like this when I was overwhelmed, afraid, and unable to find help. I feel so alone. I have maybe one or two people to talk to about things like this, and even then its just not enough. People dont have time for me, they don't care, or they just don't really like me. I respect point of view for everyone, and understand I'm odd and not very interesting, But God oh God I wish I had something to support me. 
                  Just once I'd like it to be easy, just once I'd like a break. Just once, I'd like to breathe freely and not be afraid of what came after the next breath. I'm so  alone right now, and I'm not sure I can handle this