my reality

I have a choice to make. I am standing at the edge. I am at a fork and there are 2 paths. I know I can take either.

Path 1 leads to me potentially accomplishing my dreams
- successful career
- losing this weight
- loving myself
- not waking up sick every morning from over eating
- not having a crutch

Path 2 leads to me avoiding reality.
- leads to nothing being good- just numb
- leads to me never pushing outside of my comfort zone- meaning career won't grow
- always wondering how life could have been if I'd chosen the other path
- staying overweight and getting even bigger
- never striving for anything to make me truly happy, just isolated and depressed
- spending money I don't have
- living a secret life which I'm scared of people finding out about.
-NEVER living up to my potential
- letting myself down
- disappointing myself daily
- feeling dependent on a drug and having everyday be about whether or not I will do or have that drug
- leads to the inevitable reality that comes from constant avoidance- a shitty and helpless reality
- squandering my mind away
- squandering my inner beauty with insane and powerless feelings
- never being happy.

- having a huge crutch
- having numbness
- escapism

That's my choice. That's my realIty. Smoking today leads to path 2. Not smoking today leads to path 1.

Replies

deleted_user
deleted_user

I like that, in fact I was going to journal almost the exact same thing, but it wasn\'t about a substance, it was about my H - and divorcing him. Leaving something that has become destructive is easier said than done, that\'s for sure.

I\'m happy that you\'re choosing health. Good for you!
deleted_user
deleted_user

J....I am so proud of what you wrote!! You are ready to make the necessary changes in your life for YOUR happiness!!! You can do it!! I have faith in YOU!!
Big Hugs!!!