my reality

I have a choice to make. I am standing at the edge. I am at a fork and there are 2 paths. I know I can take either.

Path 1 leads to me potentially accomplishing my dreams
- successful career
- losing this weight
- loving myself
- not waking up sick every morning from over eating
- not having a crutch

Path 2 leads to me avoiding reality.
- leads to nothing being good- just numb
- leads to me never pushing outside of my comfort zone- meaning career won't grow
- always wondering how life could have been if I'd chosen the other path
- staying overweight and getting even bigger
- never striving for anything to make me truly happy, just isolated and depressed
- spending money I don't have
- living a secret life which I'm scared of people finding out about.
-NEVER living up to my potential
- letting myself down
- disappointing myself daily
- feeling dependent on a drug and having everyday be about whether or not I will do or have that drug
- leads to the inevitable reality that comes from constant avoidance- a shitty and helpless reality
- squandering my mind away
- squandering my inner beauty with insane and powerless feelings
- never being happy.

- having a huge crutch
- having numbness
- escapism

That's my choice. That's my realIty. Smoking today leads to path 2. Not smoking today leads to path 1.



I like that, in fact I was going to journal almost the exact same thing, but it wasn\'t about a substance, it was about my H - and divorcing him. Leaving something that has become destructive is easier said than done, that\'s for sure.

I\'m happy that you\'re choosing health. Good for you!

J....I am so proud of what you wrote!! You are ready to make the necessary changes in your life for YOUR happiness!!! You can do it!! I have faith in YOU!!
Big Hugs!!!