My Problem...
My problem is that each time I am about to say the words out loud again to him --- something else happens and I stop dead in my tracks. The problem is he is so perfectly content and clueless (or just simply secure in the fact that I will never have the courage to leave)
I have told him over and over about the endless things that bother me--- but I am still here. So he does know I am (or have been) that pushover. Several times on the past week or so, I have intended to talk again to him--- but this time I do need to make him aware that THIS TIME I have had enough and WILL BE leaving. I CANNOT continue to worry about whether I upset him or what HE will do. The more I did put this off, the angrier I got (but at myself for not making myself or my happiness important enough to speak up and make it known that I have had enough.)
Day after Christmas I should be able to say my peace and not have to hide my intentions like a dirty secret. Then it is MY turn. To be cool , calm and collected and able to speak my mind.(without being challenged or ridiculed)
The past couple of days again I am continuing to do all with virtually no help. Several times I did actually mention or ask for his help, but always an excuse to not even try to lift a finger... Enforcing my decision all the more. If he has half a brain, he should certainly understand when I bring all these examples of his nochallant attitude telling me just how little he really does care.
I spent the better part of my day doing laundry, dinner and endless baking. Twice he bellowed from the other room-- once I did ask his help-- but he gave another excuse and left me to deal with it myself. I must go and ice some of the cutouts to take with a platter of all the cookies for our work party tomorrow... Gotta hit the shower and gonna watch my favorite Xmas movie--- Christams Vacation--- The highlight of My day. lol Like every other day--- I am exhausted.
Good night everybody.
Replies
Hugs Kim.
Hugs
You’re happiness is important, don’t ever doubt that.
Hugs!
You could bag some bags, write a note, and leave while hes sleeping. Do whatever it takes beca8se you do t want to be here a year from now saying the same things Kim.
God speed !!
Hugs. He sounds like all he wants is a housekeeper. He is a cold sob.
Take care and good luck.
Be strong.
I know indecision. It’s a huge hurdle to overcome. When it’s a major life decision then it’s even harder. But I am learning that when a decision is made and we put our heart into it then things work out. Flow or grace is then on your side. You’re not alone in this. We all deal with it in some form or another. Hugs Kim
It's hard, I know.
God Bless
Good luck Kim, dont be hard on yourself. It is a difficult thing to do.
Thinking of you, just think where you want to be in five years time ?
It is a difficult thing to do. I think when you really hit rock bottom, or get to the end of your rope, you will just tell him and not look back. I think sometimes it takes just one last thing to finally move the needle. It’s just that it can take a while to reach or recognize what that one last thing is.
Quite honestly I wouldn’t tell him your plans unless you are truly ready to move forward with those plans. Otherwise, they are just empty threats to him, and that seems to just empower him and deplete you.
Get through the holidays, take breath then and reset. Maybe that will give you a clearer sight on how to move forward.
It’s ok. I mean if you are miserable eventually you will need to change something or just stay miserable. That is unfortunately the options. But you don’t have to put all this pressure on yourself to do anything right this second. And you know you don’t have to do everything. You can manage your own expectations of yourself right now so you aren’t doing it all and spreading yourself thin. No one is gonna die if laundry doesn’t get done, dinner isn’t prepared or cookies aren’t made. Let yourself off the hook.