My path . .... deviations on the road to success...

I know that the road to success has its deviations... success is not a straight line.  I am telling myself all of these things because once again, though I have all of the right answers and thoughts about what I want to accomplish here re: my gambling, I deviated from the path of success today. I have a friend who is leaving for Israel to be with her husband; I am going to miss her a great deal and she & I used to go to casinos together; we are very close.  Anyway, I found myself in the casino environment again and couldn't seem to refrain from playing some machines... I did NOT refuse the invitation (in my mind I rationalized it because she is a dear friend and I'm emotionally attached and will really miss her when she leaves)  I went up and down numerous times but of course ended up walking out without money.  Somehow I am still going on the premise that I can control myself and relatively speaking, I can.  (like I don't spend the mortgage payment or drain my bank accounts), etc. but I still know it is wrong and bad for me.  I found myself trying to force the machine to pay what I needed.  I thought if it did, I could justify myself being there. especially if I could walk away with a big payout. Nevertheless, I felt like my attempts were futile and I was once again caught up in this merry-go-round.  I did not want to ruin the event so I kept a happy face, even though I was ashamed of myself for giving in. When will the path be smooth?  When will I be able to stay straight on it?  There's a big part of me that wants to; however, there must be a part of me that doesn't really want to stay away.  It is soooo confusing to me internally.  I know it is right to refrain. The only thing I can do is start again. Thanks for any input. I have all the answers for everyone except me! I wimped out.S.G.