my 'other'

my 'other' in my time alone, especially when I am trying to sleep,

is my questioning mind and the spinning wheels and appetite for

a sense of ryhme or reason about my past experiences of the day...and life in general...

I've spent much of my life alone... the TV too in a way has been my other -

plopped down in front of the tv since childhood I patiently and dutiful watched shows

and now the tv very frequently does NOT deliver the sense of satisfaction

of 'other hood' as I would like it to provide..

so I guess at this point I am just trying to be really clear with myself -

I have my routines and rituals for taking care of my life - day in and day out - week

in week out - 

that I can look forward to and feel like they're a benchmark for chiming the

different times of the day - different days of the week - whether it's an outing for pleasure or for responsibility..

I love my Sundays when I get to see my folks...

my 'other' is also Blue, but he is more like my child to me though at times

it feels like we have small chit chats with his meow and response to what

I say to him. :)

Things are good. I am seeing how I dip under the water line of my mental

state - and then pulling back again to see beyond my nose- again I guess

I am just trying to be really clear and remember the boundaries of myself

so that I can negotiate and navigate my days during the week but also ESPECIALLY

my days off during the weekend - when my questions may seek a finality and wide angle - since nothing

or no one else in the empty space of my home reigns it in - when in truth

it's just a process of processing. 

I am so grateful for this site..You guys are my 'others' in my life...

my therapist too. My family is there for sure and they are my others - but in terms of my own personal adult relationships,

where things are discussed - it's here and therapy...and Blue would like to think himself too :)

Have a good night you guys!!

Here's to Sunday with all sorts of good things coming!!