My nature

Quite honestly guys, you know I tend to gnash and gnarl away at thoughts and ideas...then producing some kind of conclusion which I post here or send to someone close. I think it just might be the way that my mind works. Things can be very good here at the monastery and I'm very lucky to have this safe communal roof over my head with meals and everything and care in exchange for work. There's not a lot of room to be myself. In fact at times I'm really longing for and kind of angry for something to be about me. I think these wisdoms are my modality for self expression now and I need to kick my butt out the door too to go to the gym. That would be one way to assert myself. I think that maybe all this is just part and parsle of a family-like life. I was just interrupted to take care of stuff that needs to get done and I get that. It's teamwork here....and I can see how Dads and moms can grow away from doing their personal favorite things because their roles become all about life and taking care of it and keeping it going. Parents realize the priority. Keeping all keep on keeping on. This is just one kind of life here.My sister wants me to move, (that’s unfair I’m also unhappy much of the times) she's very much of the idea that it's unhealthy here which I get. She's in charge of big decisions for me and so this exacerbates a bit my frustration of very little to no control. I just have to trust in the process and hope for the best. Be patient take all these life lessons with me wherever I go. It's just requiring me to let go and keep plodding along.