My Mother's Passing
My mother, Naomi Wells, died Thursday at 4:05, February 23rd, 2012 at the age of 87 years. She went peacefully after months of struggling with many health problems and years of suffering with life's woes. She was a strong and intelligent person who cared greatly for others and spent her life caring for those around her.
She had kidney problems and congestive heart failure but had not had a stroke or heart attack. She was arthritic and had pain and was 90% blind from sudden on set macular degeneration. She had been dealing with my father who had Alzheimer's and dimensia for over two years which was causing her to have a nervous break down which she had so far held off.
On December 2nd of last year, she walked, using a walker, to an appointment because she was having trouble breathing and was taken to the emergency ward. There she stopped breathing on her own and was put on a machine to keep her alive and moved to intensive care. She was there for two days before she could talk again but she told me that she was ready to pass on and that she hoped she would just go to sleep and die. I believe that she expected and wished for this but she had visitors all day and she saw how her death would effect others and so she held on.
She struggled with pain from her stay in the hospital where her strength left her and she lost the ability to walk. She gained a pinched nerve that caused her almost constant pain, and great pain when she moved her right leg. She also got bed sores on her heels. Her confidence had left her and though she was trying she feared standing or walking on her own.
The last week of her life leads me to believe she was ready to die and was moving towards its inevitable happening. My mother had kept herself alive until she knew that every one would be alright. She had gotten her mentally disabled daughter, my sister Alisa, taken care of by the SSI and on her way to living on her own without worries. She had seen her husband, my father Lloyd, to a place where he was actually doing well and interacting with others and feeling better about his own situation. She finally let go of my brother and her worry for him and let him start getting responsible for himself, even if it was her still providing the money for it. She had seen that I was taking care of everything though being stressed out by things. She even, though in pain, had started to find a place for herself at the home.
In this last week, she and I were speaking and she asked how things were going and what more needed to be done. I told her that I was still talking with a lawyer about setting up a trust so that dad could get his veteran benefits but other than that things were ok, That I was tired of staying with my sister and wanted to get some one to stay with her at night if that was what was needed. During this time I told her that the options would be that she gets strong enough to get in and out of bed to her chair and on and off the toilet then she could go home or if not that then getting the trust set up would allow her to go to nursing care hopefully provided by Medical or we wouldn't be able to pay for it for more than a year before the houses would have to be sold. I also said that another option would be that she passed on and then there would be enough money to care for dad for maybe ten years before the houses would have to be sold and indefinitely if we got his benefits. This was on Sunday.
I know cold... but I have always been straight forward and blunt with my mom.
I had brought over bills that were being taken over by my sister's caretakers and had to have mom talk to people on the phone in order to change the billing address to them. My sister also visited her and my dad at this time, and my mother said she was having a slight sore throat and asked for us to bring her some cough drops. This was Tuesday.
She had two more sessions of physical therapy and then was going to move on to Hospice care as of last week. She had arranged when the hospice came out to check her to make sure she had a notice that she did not want to be resuscitated or kept alive on any machines.
On Wednesday of last week she had her hair done. Later that night I got a call from one of her friends who was talking to her on the phone and she told me that my mother told her that she couldn't find something but she, my mom's friend, couldn't understand what she was saying and maybe I could call and find out what it was. This was about 7:30pm. I called mom and she told me she couldn't find her line. I had to ask again and figured out she meant her signal line to call for help there at the home. So I called and told them my mother couldn't reach her help line and could they go and see that she has it, or what she needed.
I stayed the night with my sister as I have been doing for the last three weeks and went home the next morning. I had a message on my phone from 8:41pm the prior night saying that my mother was running a fever of 104 and they were giving her Tylenol. So I called the home and was going to ask why they didn't take her to the emergency ward and they told me that she was at the hospital now.
So I went to the hospital and she was sleeping and had a fever and they didn't know if she had pneumonia or the flu and So I waited. I wondered shy the emergency ward hadn't called me or my brother to say she was there. This is what they had done before with my father.
They had me put on a gown and mask to be in the room with her, protection against her possible germs and those I might give her.
At one point my mother was sort of awake but still very tired and with her eyes closed but I asked if she was still there and she grunted and nodded slightly. I clarified, that I meant still herself, thinking straight and she again nodded slightly and opened her eyes and said, yeah. This is what I was concerned with, that the fever would cause her to lose her mental capacity, that so far she had held onto without any lose. She returned to sleep.
I left a message with my brother and he came by around 10:00am but didn't stay because he said he had a sore throat and I told him he probably shouldn't be here then. He told me to tell her he had dropped by. Which I did after he left. I don't think she was a wake to hear it.
I called my sister's caretaker once she got to my sister's house to tell her that mom was int he hospital but my sister is getting prepared for a procedure following up her cancer surgery and so they wanted her to avoid germs and hospitals so she was not going to be able to come til tomorrow after they hoped the germ thing would not be in effect.
About this time a physical therapist came in to try and get her to sit up, stretch, whatever and she could not be awakened. They also could not awaken her enough to swallow one of her medicines that was in pill form. I waited form about 8:30 am till about 12:30pm till after the doctor came in to talk with me, getting nothing much from the doctor other than she was comfortable and did have pneumonia again. so I decided that I was doing nothing for her and so was going to leave.
I told my mother, "Mom, I don't know what else I can do for you here so I'm going to go home for a while. In case this is the last time I get to see you," and at this point, her eyes opened and she looked at me. I was kinda surprised since the therapist and her nurse to give her medicine had just been in about an hour earlier and couldn't get her to wake even with a loud voice and I was just talking. This though only lasted an instant as did her eyes opening and looking towards me, so I was still talking and said, "I wanted to say good bye and I love you. OK, well I'm gonna go." and I turned and left.
I went home thinking that she was jsut sick and would more than likely be there tomorrow or if anything would happen it would be that night, I don't know why I thought that, I guess I just thought that people usually died in their sleep at night.
At 4:10, I got a call form the nurse at the hospital saying, "Your mother is very ill and her heart rate has fallen to 20 beats per minute." I told her I wil be out there soon then. I only live a couple minutes from the hospital but I thought I should probably get my sister to come see her if she was going to die soon, My sister should see her while she was stil lalive if possible. So instead of being there in a few minutes it took about 20.
When we got there I stopped at the door and was helping my sister get onthe gown and mask to protect her when we heard a male voice saying, "I'm aorry about yoru mother." I thought they were jsut saying they were sorry that she was inthe hosoital again. There was a currtain pulled so you coudlnt' see my mome form the doorway and I walked in to see who was there and passed the curtain and then saw, that my mother was not there anymore. Her body was there but she was not. It was very obvious that it was just a body and not here anymore.
The person who was there turned out to be our church's pastor. He had not been called, My mother had only died 20 minutes before. He had heard form one of my mother's friends who I had called earlier that she was in the hospital and had gone to visit. He said he had walked into the room only minutes after she had died and was surprised to not find anyone there. But had stayed assuming someone would soon be coming.
We found out that my mother had died between the time that the nurse had last seen her stats and calling me. So, no matter how quickly I had gotten out there she would have already been dead.
I think my mother chose to die at this time. Coincidences allowed for her to pass as she wanted.
She had gotten her family care in order and seen or waited long enough to feel comfortable that they would be cared for and be able to handle it, not like before when she had gone to the hospital suddenly and no one was prepared.
She had gotten it on file that she did not want to be resuscitated or kept alive on machines.
She had gotten her hair done.
She felt sick but did not tell anyone that it was more than a sore throat.
The emergency room did not call anyone.
My sister was not able to go out and see her.
My brother was not able to stay with her.
I had said good bye and I love her and she seemed to have known me and that I had said my good bye when it happened, perhaps even in some way giving her permission to finally go.
She was able to stay alone and just sleep and let her spirit leave her without any one there to bother her.
She went peacefully. Her stats were fine. She showed no signs of pain. I had asked if she was not able to wake because she was sedated and they said they had given her nothing to make her sleep or anything for pain that might make her drowsy.
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Break in my journal from my thoughts on my mother's passing; My brother just called and said that with my mom gone he will be visiting our father more often and he wants me to give him more money to cover his gas cost to do this. I told him he has his budget he has to live on it. He has twice the money I am getting and If he needs more money then get a job or budget out something else. When we get any inheritance, this is what he will have to live on and he needs to learn to budget it.
I have not had a conversation with my brother in the last two months that doesn't have some mention of how he can get more money or more something. I plan to in almost all occasions say 'No.' He has to learn to provide for himself and budget what he has or he will always be asking others for everything he has.
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The nurse called to tell me she was dieing actually after she died so I couldn't be there when it happened
Her preacher showed up without being called just after she died. So he was there to help with Alisa, my sister, when she came to find her dead.
It appears to me that she passed in her own way, peacefully, prepared, undisturbed and unworried.
My mother was a very kind and loving person, a follower of Jesus and wise int he ways of the Lord. She was long suffering for others. I am happy she was able to go on her own terms, peacefully and unburdened and I believe in God, Jesus Christ and an afterlife and I know she will be given a special place in the Grace and glory of God's love.
She had kidney problems and congestive heart failure but had not had a stroke or heart attack. She was arthritic and had pain and was 90% blind from sudden on set macular degeneration. She had been dealing with my father who had Alzheimer's and dimensia for over two years which was causing her to have a nervous break down which she had so far held off.
On December 2nd of last year, she walked, using a walker, to an appointment because she was having trouble breathing and was taken to the emergency ward. There she stopped breathing on her own and was put on a machine to keep her alive and moved to intensive care. She was there for two days before she could talk again but she told me that she was ready to pass on and that she hoped she would just go to sleep and die. I believe that she expected and wished for this but she had visitors all day and she saw how her death would effect others and so she held on.
She struggled with pain from her stay in the hospital where her strength left her and she lost the ability to walk. She gained a pinched nerve that caused her almost constant pain, and great pain when she moved her right leg. She also got bed sores on her heels. Her confidence had left her and though she was trying she feared standing or walking on her own.
The last week of her life leads me to believe she was ready to die and was moving towards its inevitable happening. My mother had kept herself alive until she knew that every one would be alright. She had gotten her mentally disabled daughter, my sister Alisa, taken care of by the SSI and on her way to living on her own without worries. She had seen her husband, my father Lloyd, to a place where he was actually doing well and interacting with others and feeling better about his own situation. She finally let go of my brother and her worry for him and let him start getting responsible for himself, even if it was her still providing the money for it. She had seen that I was taking care of everything though being stressed out by things. She even, though in pain, had started to find a place for herself at the home.
In this last week, she and I were speaking and she asked how things were going and what more needed to be done. I told her that I was still talking with a lawyer about setting up a trust so that dad could get his veteran benefits but other than that things were ok, That I was tired of staying with my sister and wanted to get some one to stay with her at night if that was what was needed. During this time I told her that the options would be that she gets strong enough to get in and out of bed to her chair and on and off the toilet then she could go home or if not that then getting the trust set up would allow her to go to nursing care hopefully provided by Medical or we wouldn't be able to pay for it for more than a year before the houses would have to be sold. I also said that another option would be that she passed on and then there would be enough money to care for dad for maybe ten years before the houses would have to be sold and indefinitely if we got his benefits. This was on Sunday.
I know cold... but I have always been straight forward and blunt with my mom.
I had brought over bills that were being taken over by my sister's caretakers and had to have mom talk to people on the phone in order to change the billing address to them. My sister also visited her and my dad at this time, and my mother said she was having a slight sore throat and asked for us to bring her some cough drops. This was Tuesday.
She had two more sessions of physical therapy and then was going to move on to Hospice care as of last week. She had arranged when the hospice came out to check her to make sure she had a notice that she did not want to be resuscitated or kept alive on any machines.
On Wednesday of last week she had her hair done. Later that night I got a call from one of her friends who was talking to her on the phone and she told me that my mother told her that she couldn't find something but she, my mom's friend, couldn't understand what she was saying and maybe I could call and find out what it was. This was about 7:30pm. I called mom and she told me she couldn't find her line. I had to ask again and figured out she meant her signal line to call for help there at the home. So I called and told them my mother couldn't reach her help line and could they go and see that she has it, or what she needed.
I stayed the night with my sister as I have been doing for the last three weeks and went home the next morning. I had a message on my phone from 8:41pm the prior night saying that my mother was running a fever of 104 and they were giving her Tylenol. So I called the home and was going to ask why they didn't take her to the emergency ward and they told me that she was at the hospital now.
So I went to the hospital and she was sleeping and had a fever and they didn't know if she had pneumonia or the flu and So I waited. I wondered shy the emergency ward hadn't called me or my brother to say she was there. This is what they had done before with my father.
They had me put on a gown and mask to be in the room with her, protection against her possible germs and those I might give her.
At one point my mother was sort of awake but still very tired and with her eyes closed but I asked if she was still there and she grunted and nodded slightly. I clarified, that I meant still herself, thinking straight and she again nodded slightly and opened her eyes and said, yeah. This is what I was concerned with, that the fever would cause her to lose her mental capacity, that so far she had held onto without any lose. She returned to sleep.
I left a message with my brother and he came by around 10:00am but didn't stay because he said he had a sore throat and I told him he probably shouldn't be here then. He told me to tell her he had dropped by. Which I did after he left. I don't think she was a wake to hear it.
I called my sister's caretaker once she got to my sister's house to tell her that mom was int he hospital but my sister is getting prepared for a procedure following up her cancer surgery and so they wanted her to avoid germs and hospitals so she was not going to be able to come til tomorrow after they hoped the germ thing would not be in effect.
About this time a physical therapist came in to try and get her to sit up, stretch, whatever and she could not be awakened. They also could not awaken her enough to swallow one of her medicines that was in pill form. I waited form about 8:30 am till about 12:30pm till after the doctor came in to talk with me, getting nothing much from the doctor other than she was comfortable and did have pneumonia again. so I decided that I was doing nothing for her and so was going to leave.
I told my mother, "Mom, I don't know what else I can do for you here so I'm going to go home for a while. In case this is the last time I get to see you," and at this point, her eyes opened and she looked at me. I was kinda surprised since the therapist and her nurse to give her medicine had just been in about an hour earlier and couldn't get her to wake even with a loud voice and I was just talking. This though only lasted an instant as did her eyes opening and looking towards me, so I was still talking and said, "I wanted to say good bye and I love you. OK, well I'm gonna go." and I turned and left.
I went home thinking that she was jsut sick and would more than likely be there tomorrow or if anything would happen it would be that night, I don't know why I thought that, I guess I just thought that people usually died in their sleep at night.
At 4:10, I got a call form the nurse at the hospital saying, "Your mother is very ill and her heart rate has fallen to 20 beats per minute." I told her I wil be out there soon then. I only live a couple minutes from the hospital but I thought I should probably get my sister to come see her if she was going to die soon, My sister should see her while she was stil lalive if possible. So instead of being there in a few minutes it took about 20.
When we got there I stopped at the door and was helping my sister get onthe gown and mask to protect her when we heard a male voice saying, "I'm aorry about yoru mother." I thought they were jsut saying they were sorry that she was inthe hosoital again. There was a currtain pulled so you coudlnt' see my mome form the doorway and I walked in to see who was there and passed the curtain and then saw, that my mother was not there anymore. Her body was there but she was not. It was very obvious that it was just a body and not here anymore.
The person who was there turned out to be our church's pastor. He had not been called, My mother had only died 20 minutes before. He had heard form one of my mother's friends who I had called earlier that she was in the hospital and had gone to visit. He said he had walked into the room only minutes after she had died and was surprised to not find anyone there. But had stayed assuming someone would soon be coming.
We found out that my mother had died between the time that the nurse had last seen her stats and calling me. So, no matter how quickly I had gotten out there she would have already been dead.
I think my mother chose to die at this time. Coincidences allowed for her to pass as she wanted.
She had gotten her family care in order and seen or waited long enough to feel comfortable that they would be cared for and be able to handle it, not like before when she had gone to the hospital suddenly and no one was prepared.
She had gotten it on file that she did not want to be resuscitated or kept alive on machines.
She had gotten her hair done.
She felt sick but did not tell anyone that it was more than a sore throat.
The emergency room did not call anyone.
My sister was not able to go out and see her.
My brother was not able to stay with her.
I had said good bye and I love her and she seemed to have known me and that I had said my good bye when it happened, perhaps even in some way giving her permission to finally go.
She was able to stay alone and just sleep and let her spirit leave her without any one there to bother her.
She went peacefully. Her stats were fine. She showed no signs of pain. I had asked if she was not able to wake because she was sedated and they said they had given her nothing to make her sleep or anything for pain that might make her drowsy.
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------
Break in my journal from my thoughts on my mother's passing; My brother just called and said that with my mom gone he will be visiting our father more often and he wants me to give him more money to cover his gas cost to do this. I told him he has his budget he has to live on it. He has twice the money I am getting and If he needs more money then get a job or budget out something else. When we get any inheritance, this is what he will have to live on and he needs to learn to budget it.
I have not had a conversation with my brother in the last two months that doesn't have some mention of how he can get more money or more something. I plan to in almost all occasions say 'No.' He has to learn to provide for himself and budget what he has or he will always be asking others for everything he has.
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------
The nurse called to tell me she was dieing actually after she died so I couldn't be there when it happened
Her preacher showed up without being called just after she died. So he was there to help with Alisa, my sister, when she came to find her dead.
It appears to me that she passed in her own way, peacefully, prepared, undisturbed and unworried.
My mother was a very kind and loving person, a follower of Jesus and wise int he ways of the Lord. She was long suffering for others. I am happy she was able to go on her own terms, peacefully and unburdened and I believe in God, Jesus Christ and an afterlife and I know she will be given a special place in the Grace and glory of God's love.
Replies
I want to offer my deepest condolences to you and your family. I lost my mom 16 years ago (the date was yesterday) I still miss her so much
Hugs