my mind...my heart...my faith?

ive been contemplating suicide.  im in extreme pain and i want it 2 stop.  my children stop me from actually doing it.  i know that if i kill myself they wld be devastated.  i love my children.  i think i love myself.  idk.  i thought i did. 
my faith is shaken.  ive sd this b4.  right after i found out about my h affair and later.  i was angry with God for allowing it 2 happen. 
now idk that im angry as much as i dont trust God? but perhaps i never fully trusted God...does anyone?
i beleieve that God put me with my husband.  placed me with him. ordained us 2 b 2gether. i still beleieve this
am i wrong? did i get the message wrong?
well if i believe that God placed me with this man then I gotta wonder y God who is all knowing....y wld He put me through this pain.  God knew this marriage was going 2 end in divorce that this family wld b destroyed.  God knew about the other woman.  God knew all this.
so if i accept this divorce....i havent. ive tried but not followed through. i keep looking back.  so if i accept this divorce then how do i accept that God wishes me well? i loved this man as God told me to...i tried. imperfect of course, but tried and what did it get me but pain?
i love God.  i know God loves me.  i am thankful for the blessings...right now im having a great deal of trouble trusting Him in some things...not in all but in some things.  I'm prob having trouble trusting everyone....i trust some to a point but no one completely...maybe i never did and just didnt notice.....
i appear the same on the outside but inside i am so different.