my marriage

my marriage has always had it's ups and downs. I married at age 21 to an amazing guy. sometimes i forget what we have i mean had. I love him more than life itself. I let another man ruin it. for a month of distraction.i should have been honest from the start.  my husband is the most comforting and easy to approach man ever. except I can't seem to tell him the truth 100% of the time. I hesitate and get too scared. I am not afraid of him.just his reaction. I went through telling my lovers wife about the affair and it was very beneficial in helping me. I however lost the best thing that ever happened to me.  we have 3 kids and are going to continue living together. i hope one day he will come.back to me. I thought this would never happen. I never have been a cheater ever. I have to live with the fact I broke my family and I'm struggling.