My life updated
So I've moved back home almost a year ago...got a job as an insurance agent at one of the biggest insurance companies out there ... I have my license to sell insurance and due to my perfectionistic ways I have been ABSOLUTELY killing it on the sales floor...apparently I am an anomaly and my boss has said that I am a freak of nature in a really good way ...on the flip side my job is extremely stressful and it makes me hate it ...if the money wasn't crazy good I would have peaced out a long time ago ...and it's nice to have everyone know who u r and want to be u...little do they know being me comes at a huge price...I starve myself all day ... Work out on my lunch breaks and then go home at the end of the night eat a shit ton of food and then throw it all up...everyday ... I have no social life ...and I spend so much money on groceries ...and I'm tired of cashiers asking if I'm having a party...it's none of ur damn business ...if I wanted to talk about it I would have initiated the conversation...one of these times I'm just going to blurt out no I'm bulimic...I'm having a party of one ...two if u count my toilet now shut up and bag ....so that's where I am ...I am tired of my own personal hell ...but I'm too scared to change...I don't live life anymore ...I kind of remember when life was fun...that was 11 yrs ago... It's now a chore ...with a 42.5 hour a week job on top of that...but luckily that job comes with medical benefits which allows me to get my scripts of Xanax and ritalin filled ....so there's that...don't know if anyone will read this or care...I just need someone to care...someone who gets what I'm living with
Replies
hey hun i get you!! unfortunately
here for you x
I had bulimia for a good 9 years or so I know how hard it is to be stuck in that cycle. I just want to give you some hope in the fact that if I can break free of it in time so can you. Baby steps though. I was b/p at night about 3-4 times. Spending a hellish amount of $ on food and studying and working full time. No time for any fun
I knew id crash evwntually. And hell did I ever at the end of 2012. I managed to stop b/p on a regular basis in 2011 but that left me with major social anxiety and emotional difficulties. Peeling back the layers ofy illness. I could not deal with these intense emotions id been numbing out with food. I broke dwn and hvnt managed to work or anything since then but I am now dealing with the issues behind the addiction and will be back to finding a job in about a month or so.
Sry I missed this journal Hun! You know I care. Sry ed still has you in his clutches,but congrats on being gainfully employed
Missy. Sorry it\'s taken me so long to check on you. Didn\'t know if you were still here. I haven\'t been obviously. I totally get that Hell. I got asked if I had a big family :( Yes and they eat three sheet cakes a night. Gah!! Anyways. I\'m here. I care. And I\'m really sorry.