My life up until now--

I'm overweight mostly due to depression and weight gainer meds. At the time before I was overweight  I was buzzing around like a bee and would never stop and had all kinds of anxiety and bad nasty nightmares like I was being stabbed all the time and killed or harmed in some fashion I could never really have good quality sleep and was unmedicated. Then I was put on anxiety meds. And they never really helped and after my brother passed I fell into a depression and they put me on Lexapro and I was so depressed they kept raising it even after I told them it stopped working. Then according to the doctors in the unit they told me I was Bipolar because the depression pill made me manic. I have been told in the past that I am also PTSD due to past abuse. Anxiety and Depression are symptoms of PTSD. But Are Also Symptoms of Bipolar.  So my diagnoses can get confusing.  I am so overweight I have barely any bras that fit. My top half always falls out of the bras that don't fit so I stopped wearing them But I do wear the bras that still fit. If anything is too tight restricting my breathing and making me sick to my stomach since I am over weight I will refuse to wear it.  I used to be a size 18. When it was just me and the kid I was a size 12. I wear a size 2 or 3 X depending  because I am 5 ft 6 inches tall and weigh about 205 pounds. I wear this size because It doesn't restrict my breathing. And it's comfortable. I like to be comfortable in what I wear.  I consider myself a girlie girl at heart. I love all things girlie.  I never had a child hood my mom never sat down with me playing barbie dolls and even complained when I asked her to play some computer games and spend some time with me as a child. I have a lot of issues including body issues. I don't feel good about myself because of weight issues which in turn makes things worse. I want people to know that the way I am and Having all my illnesses is not my fault.