My life sucks as I need a job. I took Excel Level 1 just to get a receptonist job

My life sucks as I need a job.  I took Excel Level 1 just to get a receptionist job.  The Survivors Pension just pays my monthly bills which does not include food.  The remains of the Life Insurance is what I am using for food.  I am worried about next year's Water/Sewer Taxes & Property Taxes & House Insurance.  I am so screwed financially if I don't get a job soon that I don't know what I am going to do for my very own survival.  I am not dumping this on Dave.  He is such a sweet man with a big heart.  In my head I call him a Gentle Giant.  Don't get me wrong, he does get angry about things but so far not with me as it seems to be going pretty well.  I went away for a girls weekend with Carol to Sharon's place.  Friday we went to Linda's where there was seven of us women.  We had good food, facials and pedicures.  It was absolutely wonderful.  Dave calls me at 10:00 just before he is going to bed to say that he misses me.  I tell the women and everyone is oohing and aahing for me.  It was great.  Saturday there was a pet parade, 5th Avenue Jewelry party, and Sharon dyed my unnaturally blonde hair an auburn color.  Sunday we watched two women's movies or Chic flicks.  A wonderful time was had by all of us.  I come home on Sunday. Dave and I really missed one another.  It is nice to be missed by a good looking tall handsome man.  I wish I could get the rest of my life in order that is for sure.  Thank you for listening as it is really bothering me.  Dave usually picks me up after his work at about 2:45 or so.  I am not sure if I want to go with him this time as I am really concerned about my future.  I was crying last night and this morning.  I just don't know what I am going to do and it is really freaking me out greatly.  I just needed to vent some of my frustrations out so thank you greatly for listening to me from Diane Baillie