My lapse & what I have learnt

Well the past 5 days have been interesting to say the least.  Having believed that I was safely over my alcohol addiction  and could control myself (what the hell was I thinking??), I opted to have a glass of wine with a meal last Saturday.  I should have known it was my addiction talking as I ,made an agreement with myself that I would just have a small wine to settle some mild anxiety I had about going out with a group of people I didn't know.  I allowed someone to pour out a very generous glass of red for me.  Why didn't I stop them as I saw the glass getting fuller?  Because the addict was clearly back in control.  Around half way through the glass I wished it was empty as I wasn't really enjoying it, but now I felt bad leaving it as someone had generously given it to me so decided I better drink it all up!  I continued on and then discovered I was enjoying it very much by the end.  This has led on to suffering significant cravings ever since.  They are diminishing now that it is day 5, but I honestly cannot believe how naive I was.  I had been so proud of myself to be a teetotaler.  I guess it was my old social anxiety problem that reared its' head.  This was the reason I began drinking so much in the first place since discovering how confident and powerful I felt after a couple of ciders at age 15.  I am now left feeling quite saddened and grief-stricken around having to face the fact that I really can't ever have a drink of alcohol again as that one drink could be the undoing of all my hard work over the previous 14 months.