My life

I have no idea and i hate how i seem to be depressed all the time one moment ill be in a happy bubble but just the smallest thing will make sad to the point where i really want to die. I wish i could go through w it other times i fear it is my only way out of this mess. wish i could talk to someone but in the end they ve all made fun of me or think im a dumb crazy slut. By parents had yelled at me for expressing to them how i feel so i never told them since then.