My Journey Through Bedwetting - Part 2
I was restless as I tried to sleep...I couldn't get out of my mind that there were actually some people who liked wearing diapers. So I got out of bed and signed on again. I saw that yes, though some of these people were really gross, some were actally like me...they were bedwetters who were having many of the same feelings I was having about the whole diaper/bedwetting issue, but had somehow found a way to cope with it. So over the next few months, I read more and more and I started to feel less anxious because of what others in my situation were sharing.
A few months after, I woke up on a weekend...no school, no work, I could just be lazy. By this time, I had started having a few dry nites...two, maybe three a week, and sometimes my GoodNite was just a bit damp instead of being soaked like in years past. I had woken up just a little bit damp, and my bladder was really full, but I just did not want to get out of bed. So I told myself 'What the hell, I'm already wet, I'll just go in the Goodnite." But as hard as I tried, I couldn't do it. As much as my bladder had failed me almost my entire life at night, it now had a vice grip on my urethra...damn I thought, my bladder never listens to me tell it what to do! So I decided to just go back to sleep. Less than an hour later, I bolted awake suddenly, thinking I was wetting my pants. But it was a dream. What wasn't a dream was that I was wetting my Goodnite...I could feel the urine trickling out. And this time, I tried to stop it, but I couldn't...so I laid back in bed and covered myself with the sheet...didn't want Mom to walk in and see her almost-graduated from high school daughter in a wet GoodNIte. I lay there thinking to myself...My God, I'm actually awake in bed peeing on myself and I'm not doing anything...or I'm helpless...to stop it.
But then...as the slow trickle continued...I started feeling a warm tingle start to spread over my body, especially "down there". And I wasn't even touching myself. And the more the trickle of pee continued, the more intense the tingle became...and then I started to realize that I was about to have a big-time orgasm as I was peeing in a diaper. Just as the trickle ended, I came, and I had to bite my pillow to ensure my scream wouldn't be heard by Mom.
It took me a few minutes to gain my composure...after which I thought "What the f*** just happened? I'm ready to graduate high school...I'm still wetting the friggin bed...and I just had an ORGASM while peeing in a pullup? WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH ME?"
It took me a few weeks to get over the initial feeling, but the more research I did on those who bedwet and/or liked diapers, the more I found that some perfectly normal sounding people had experiences like mine. THat they grew up hating bedwetting...terrified friends would find out, especially about the diapers...and yet, they somehow found a way not only to cope, but to find something even positive about the issue.
Now, I wet the bed only two or three times a week. I still wear Goodnites every night because it's better than changing wet sheets. And whether I wake up wet or dry on a day I have to get ready for work or school, I behave "normally". But when I wake up and can stay in bed, I now have found a way to have 'fun' with my condition! :)
A few months after, I woke up on a weekend...no school, no work, I could just be lazy. By this time, I had started having a few dry nites...two, maybe three a week, and sometimes my GoodNite was just a bit damp instead of being soaked like in years past. I had woken up just a little bit damp, and my bladder was really full, but I just did not want to get out of bed. So I told myself 'What the hell, I'm already wet, I'll just go in the Goodnite." But as hard as I tried, I couldn't do it. As much as my bladder had failed me almost my entire life at night, it now had a vice grip on my urethra...damn I thought, my bladder never listens to me tell it what to do! So I decided to just go back to sleep. Less than an hour later, I bolted awake suddenly, thinking I was wetting my pants. But it was a dream. What wasn't a dream was that I was wetting my Goodnite...I could feel the urine trickling out. And this time, I tried to stop it, but I couldn't...so I laid back in bed and covered myself with the sheet...didn't want Mom to walk in and see her almost-graduated from high school daughter in a wet GoodNIte. I lay there thinking to myself...My God, I'm actually awake in bed peeing on myself and I'm not doing anything...or I'm helpless...to stop it.
But then...as the slow trickle continued...I started feeling a warm tingle start to spread over my body, especially "down there". And I wasn't even touching myself. And the more the trickle of pee continued, the more intense the tingle became...and then I started to realize that I was about to have a big-time orgasm as I was peeing in a diaper. Just as the trickle ended, I came, and I had to bite my pillow to ensure my scream wouldn't be heard by Mom.
It took me a few minutes to gain my composure...after which I thought "What the f*** just happened? I'm ready to graduate high school...I'm still wetting the friggin bed...and I just had an ORGASM while peeing in a pullup? WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH ME?"
It took me a few weeks to get over the initial feeling, but the more research I did on those who bedwet and/or liked diapers, the more I found that some perfectly normal sounding people had experiences like mine. THat they grew up hating bedwetting...terrified friends would find out, especially about the diapers...and yet, they somehow found a way not only to cope, but to find something even positive about the issue.
Now, I wet the bed only two or three times a week. I still wear Goodnites every night because it's better than changing wet sheets. And whether I wake up wet or dry on a day I have to get ready for work or school, I behave "normally". But when I wake up and can stay in bed, I now have found a way to have 'fun' with my condition! :)
Replies
There\'s nothing wrong with enjoying diapers.
Thank you so much for sharing your thoughts and feelings about this. It\'s not at all easy to be open about this sort of thing, but I think you\'ll find that by doing so you will encourage many others and find encouragement for yourself as well.
About having \"fun\" with your condition, it\'s natural and, as you have seen, very very common for people to use that as a method of coping with what can otherwise be devastating emotional turmoil. But I\'ll just say this - about letting yourself use the Goodnites for convenience when you could otherwise have made it to the toilet, you want to be careful about that IF it\'s a long term goal for you to reduce or even eliminate the frequency of your accidents. By doing so you are \"training\" your bladder muscles that a Goodnite is an \"ok\" place for them to relax, and thus doing away with some of the natural neural response patterns that might otherwise help you in becoming dry. The way you described your bladder \"clamping down\" when you tried to release in the Goodnite for the first time - that\'s an impulse that will potentially work in your favor, in the long run, if you let it! It\'s your body, of course, and no one can tell you what to do with it besides what you decide for yourself. For me personally, I can just say that I\'ve finally found some really good results by keeping the faith that I could eventually get my bedwetting under control and not giving up.
If you\'d like to see a bit more of where I\'ve come from, my first journal entry I wrote when I joined DS is here: http://www.dailystrength.org/people/210872/journal/941470 and if you look at some of my most recent ones, you can see how I\'ve gradually found more and more success over the years, both in dealing with the bedwetting itself and how I respond to it emotionally. I\'ve been dry at night for the last six months now, for the first time ever in my life, and I feel great about it! Everybody is different, though, and you just have to find the way of balancing and coping with things that works best for you as a unique individual. I wish you all the best! Please feel free to write me or comment back if you\'d like to talk more about anything.
a great story and don\'t let anyone stop you from wearing I wear myself for need also so your not alone.
You write wonderfully clearly about your journey - and it\'s an inspirational message. It is hard enough to deal with the physical difficulties of incontinence without having to deal with the stigma and prejudice that others put on us. You should never feel ashamed of something you have no control over - none of should. Thanks for sharing your experience.