My Green Smiley Monday

Green Smiley Monday after Mothers Day.  As you guys know John left for Alabama.  I hoped he would be home before Mother's Day.  My wish came true.  He came home late Wednesday night.  He was so tired.  He really talked like there was a lot of heart breaking things to see.  This is my main happy thing for Green Smiley Monday.  My mothers day.  I woke up around 7 and was on the road by 9 to go see my granny.  She is still wasting away in the rest home.  Then we did a little grocery shopping and was home by 12.  My brother and I cooked for my mama.  I was glad she came over.  After everyone left John and I went to visit Josh.  I want someone to explain to me something.  Has bad as my heart was aching yesterday no tears fell. WHY?????  Have I cried all of my tears?  Do I have nothing left?  Does this mean I am a bad mother because I did not shed a tear on Mother's Day when my only child is in heaven.  This is really worring me.  I do not know what to think.  I should have been a basket case.  I kept myself busy all day to keep my mind off of Mother's Day.  Maybe that helped me.  I don't know!!!!  I just don't understand it!!!!
 
Josh, Please know that you are a very important part of my life.  Even though you are not here you will always be a part of my life until the day I leave this world.  I would give anything to see your smile and hear your laugh.  I burned one of your incense yesterday in your room for you.  I do love you my Joshie Pooh!!!