My Green Smiley Monday
Green Smiley Monday after Mothers Day. As you guys know John left for Alabama. I hoped he would be home before Mother's Day. My wish came true. He came home late Wednesday night. He was so tired. He really talked like there was a lot of heart breaking things to see. This is my main happy thing for Green Smiley Monday. My mothers day. I woke up around 7 and was on the road by 9 to go see my granny. She is still wasting away in the rest home. Then we did a little grocery shopping and was home by 12. My brother and I cooked for my mama. I was glad she came over. After everyone left John and I went to visit Josh. I want someone to explain to me something. Has bad as my heart was aching yesterday no tears fell. WHY????? Have I cried all of my tears? Do I have nothing left? Does this mean I am a bad mother because I did not shed a tear on Mother's Day when my only child is in heaven. This is really worring me. I do not know what to think. I should have been a basket case. I kept myself busy all day to keep my mind off of Mother's Day. Maybe that helped me. I don't know!!!! I just don't understand it!!!!
Josh, Please know that you are a very important part of my life. Even though you are not here you will always be a part of my life until the day I leave this world. I would give anything to see your smile and hear your laugh. I burned one of your incense yesterday in your room for you. I do love you my Joshie Pooh!!!
Josh, Please know that you are a very important part of my life. Even though you are not here you will always be a part of my life until the day I leave this world. I would give anything to see your smile and hear your laugh. I burned one of your incense yesterday in your room for you. I do love you my Joshie Pooh!!!
Replies
Josh knows you love him and always will. Terry
Hi Rhonda, you are a wonderful mother! Sometimes I get so sad I cannot even cry and other times I couldn\'t stop the tears for anything. Josh KNOWS you love him. You don\'t have to worry about that. There is such a range and depth of emotions that I believe our bodies and minds just react differently at different times. One time I went to the cemetery and I felt numb. This past time I sobbed. Its ok. You love him for eternity. I wish you peace and I am glad your husband is home safe with you. Love to you and Josh, Linda
Please do not think you are a bad mother, or that something is wrong with you. The tears come when they want to. I really can\'t predict when I am going to cry.
There will be times that you won\'t be able to turn off the tear tap! And other times it will be dry. Either way, it does not change your everlasting love for your son.
Love and hugs,
Marlene
So happy that John returned home safely, Rhonda. I don\'t think your tears or lack of are an indication of the love that is in your heart always for Josh. They will flow again my friend yet I do know what you mean by it feeling strange when you first realized this... I remember that too. Sending big hugs to you and John\'s returning home safely was indeed your best Mother\'s Day gift, wasn\'t it?! Love your way and a peaceful heart in the midst. Joanie
Oh Rhonda,
I didn\'t cry for my Josh either. I just wanted to honor my family with a happy day. You love him, he loves you for eternity..... that\'s a long time. I know the achy longing in the heart without the tears. ~Leda
Please don\'t worry about the tears not flowing....they will flow again, probably when you least expect them...its funny that you journaled about this,I was thinking this same thing yesterday...Mitch was killed 4 days after Mother\'s day of 2006-for me Mother\'s day is a double whammy and this year for the first time I made it through without a total meltdown,I cried a little but not much and I was asking myself why,can\'t really explain it though.Know in your heart that you are and always will be a special Mom to Josh and he knows it,we tend to be so hard on ourselves on this ongoing journey thinking we\'re crying too much one day and not enough another day, simply feel Josh in your heart and know he feels the love you have for him. With Love and Hugs, Charlene
I was very very sad yesterday on Mother\'s Day, but I never cried during the day. One of the few days that I didn\'t cry. Glad John is home ... tell him thanks for all he has done to help us out down here in Alabama.
Don\'t worry! There is no time frame for grief and no days that call for more tears than any other day. A day is just a number on the calendar, no matter what they call it. So if you had a good day, give yourself permission to have had it. And when you have a bad one, let it be. It may not be what they call Mother\'s Day, but hey, who says what days we have to feel bad and cry on more, anyway? Hugs, Belinda
No tears...no problem...John was your concern,,he came home,,home and safe and you were together,,,then you were busy...Josh made sure he was safe just for you...Nora
Sometimes I find that there are no tears at times you consider appropriate and other times there are uncontrollable tears when there is nothing you can even pinpoint. It\'s all a mystery and that is where we live now. So glad John was able to make it home!!!! Love and hugs...Lynn
What Lynn said is the same for me... no tears when you expect there to be many and other times when you can\'t even figure out the trigger.