my first journal
So, writing helps. So here goes, my first journal here.
How I got here.
I was born broken. Had some trauma before 10. Had loads of wierd and undiagnosed issues until I was 25 and then had 7 years of great life. At 32 I got acute sever chronically insomnia.
Had it diagnosed first as primary insomnia but while I still don't know what I have, I now believe (just like my last three specialists) it is secondary insomnia.
My home country failed me because of one member of the government. Due to a lot of social fraud the law changed and until 2014 I had no rights to support. And even after the law was fixed I still have no real shot until I go to court.
For months I have tried to change this but with no money of my own anymore I gave up. I have a high intolerance for stress which is blocking me to go to court.
I fled my home country and now live with my family in other country. Basicly illegal but still without income. I sleep 4 or 5 hours a night if I sleep and sleep about 11 out of every 14 days.
My sleep cycle still is bad but I can control it well enough to slowly recover and my wife is amazing. She understands I need lots of rest and I do as much in the house as I can. I avoid stress and those who cause it to me.
I am as happy as I expect to be and while I still have a lot to learn, I feel good. Most days are OK with some bad. I feel I have my insomnia under enough control to manage again.
Replies
Hi I saw your post in the insomina support and then your journal entry here. Just wanted to respond I am 56years old. I started having mental health problems at age 28 probably brought on by stress. But there is some history of mental health problems as well in my family. Eventually I was in and out of hospitals several times starting with a sucide attempt. Each time I would recover somewhat and go back to work again. This cycle continued for several years more and I applied for Social Security disability and was approved. A couple years into my disability I had another nervous breakdown I called my brother and he drove me to the hospital. Once there I decided to have ECT treatments done which is electrical shock treatments done to the brain while you were put to sleep under anesthesia. This turned out to be worst decision I have ever regarding my health. I had a bad reaction to the ECT Treatments and they triggered acute chronic insommina and pain issues through out my body.. I also lost some of my memories and have had memory issues ever since. For the next two years I was esentially bedridden. I could not sleep to save my life and I could barely move from the pain. I think that was about 14 or 15 years ago. Since then the pain has subsided but the chronic insomnia has remained a constant in my life. I am fortunate enough that I am able to rent a small house I have a car and my disability pays most of my bills. My 27 year old son lives with me. But he has so many issues and is currently in trouble with the law, so my stress levels remain high to the point some days I can barely handle it. I was impressed with your story and just wanted you to know you are not alone in your struggles. Take good care of yourself and your family, johnnyboy1960.