My First Jail House Letter

I have apparentley been busy today!  This isn't my first entry.  But after the last one I checked the mail and in it was a letter from my sister.  She is serving 2 years in a federal prison on charges of possession and intent to sell crack cocaine.
 
It was a fantastic letter and it made me cry.  In it she sounded so optomistic.  She had recieved her 30 days sober before going in, her 60 days sober(it isn't really a chip so her 3 year old neice drew her a picture) while waiting to be transferred to her prison, and while in jail she has obtained 120 days sober.  Today actually, today it has been 120 days since she smoked crack!
 
She tested negative for hep A, B and C, and HIV!  She has a vitamin D deficiancy, and she is on a strong multivitamin.  The prison had to give her a blood transfusion though.  She was so unhealthy when she went in that she should of been bedridden according to them.  But she's on her way to a healthier her!
 
Plus, she asked me to send her some stamps...sealed, because she is allowed to recieve stamps to write letters as long as they are in their original packing.  And she wrote that if I couldn't IT WAS OK!  That's not something the sister I have lived with for the last five years would of wrote. 
 
Plus she wrote about how she was sad she would miss my daughter's first birthday, and that if she gets released in Ocotober on good behaviour she will buy her and Marlow each a cupcake to celebrate.  She asked for photos of us, of our daughter, and of our family. 
 
You know the thing I noticed the most in her letter?  Not once did she sound resentful for being where she is now.  I think she has fully come to understand that where she is is her fault.  The result of her actions.  And the only one who can make it better is her...
 
I'm going to write her back tonight, and try to gather some photos....hopefully send it all out tomorrow....my very first jail house letter!

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Awww, that is so great. I am so glad to hear that she is doing well. And 120 days is amazing!! I\'m thrilled that she has been able to turn a difficult situation into a positive one. I believe that it is a real sign of recovery when you become able to always see the good in a situation- or even if it\'s hard to see any good, you are able to take something positive away from it. What you said is so true- she\'s taking responsibility for her actions... once you do that, you stop blaming other people. That\'s a HUGE step because this disease just tells us that it\'s everyone else\'s fault- anything that goes wrong, some outside force or person caused it. It sounds like she\'s taking this opportunity to focus on her recovery. And to take care of her health, which is also a great sign! Learning to care about ourselves again is really hard... things like going to the doctor, showering everyday, eating right, etc seem really basic to most people, but for addicts it\'s difficult to relearn how to do those things because we\'ve spent so long not caring about our health or our appearance. We have to learn to love ourselves enough to do those things. It sounds like your sister is making amazing progress. I\'m so happy for her, for her kids, for you and for the rest of your family.

You know, there are coins/keytags in AA and NA for 60 and 90 days... maybe you could get them for her, or someone you know who goes to meetings, and save them for her. She may not be able to get them in prison, but she deserves to have them! I know, for me, that looking at my keytags and coins has kept me clean sometimes... some days when I was really struggling, I looked at my three year coin and realized that I did NOT want to have give it up and earn it all over again. It may seem like just a trinket, but it means a lot to someone in recovery. If you want me to help you figure out where you can get them somewhere close to you, let me know.

And wow, you\'ve been a journaling fiend lately!! I try to keep up with my friends\' journal entries, but I have been feeling awful for the last few weeks... just completely fatigued and achy and icky for some reason. So I\'ve been slacking off on a lot of stuff.

Oh, and fuck anyone who has an issue with how you feed your child. That is completely and utterly ridiculous. Unfortunately, it seems like it\'s this eternal debate- breast milk or formula? And over the years, the research seems to have gone back and forth on which is better. I think that means that either way is fine. It\'s a personal preference, and it is no one\'s damn business whether you use a rubber nipple or your own!! And some of the women who breast feed kinda take their love for it too far- breast feeding a four year old... wtf is that?? My grandmother breast fed all six of her kids.... that was just what worked for her... my mom was unable to breast feed because she had a lot of pain and didn\'t produce enough milk. I also have a friend who got a massive infection in her breast after her baby was born and she kept trying to breast feed. People are WAY to judgmental and involved in other people\'s business. I think that is a very personal thing- if you want to breast feed, that\'s great, go for it! But some of those women make people like my mom and my friend feel like they are somehow failures because their bodies just didn\'t go along with breastfeeding. It\'s ridiculous. No one should feel that way. As long as your child is properly nourished and happy and thriving, who cares how they are fed?? PLEASE don\'t let that shit get to you. You know you\'re a good mom. That\'s what matters.