My First Entry

The last couple days or so have been overall good with little to no upset feelings regarding my relationship with my Fiance`, Steven. Yesterday was Easter and I had gotten a couple of tickets to see the movie 'The Fate of the Furious' that just came out on the 14th! I asked him if he wanted to go with me and we got a babysitter for 3 hours. It was a really good movie and our connectedness seemed to be important to him a little more then he had been for months prior overall. 

We talked a little before and after the movie and seemed to be getting somewhere where our relationship is concerned, but I had to think about some of the things he said over night and thru the day today while he was at work. He said at one point that I seemed to have a don't give a sh*t attitude and in the afternoon today, I responded via text saying I felt the same way about him more then half the time when it comes to how he shuts down when I bring up my feelings and I told him that it really upsets me. Plus, I had also told him at one point that I feel like I've been hurt too many times and disrespected by everyone around me a lot, so, that might have something to do with it as well as all the other times I have been abused in previous relationships, etc. (Side Note: I just don't understand why or how he doesn't or didn't get that!) I mean no one can endure abuse and neglect for their entire lives over and over again. Nor should they have to. 

When he does and says the things he says that hurt my feelings or upset me, it just makes me feel like he doesn't love and care about me anymore and that pushes me away. He doesn't understand that it seems. and now it seems it doesn't matter what I said in the texts today almost like I never said/sent them. He said that we might talk after he got home from work, but he may be tired so it might be another day. We'll have to wait and see.