My first entry!
Okay, first of all: I´ve probably started over 10 different diaries in my life and none of them lasted longer then a few weeks. So...we will see how this journey turns out.
2015 started pretty rough for me, depression wise. I lost my appetite and haven´t eaten anything in 27 days; I basically live off chocolate milk, cappuccino, tea, water, diet coke and occassionally vegetable broil. That´s so weird, considering I used to looove food and eat so much, especially candies and, ya know, the unhealthy stuff.
My weight has always been in a normal range, but I´m having a bad body image since I´m 10 or 11. I tend to compare myself to other girls, skinner girls, and girls that generelly look pretty.
Now, my weight is on my mind all the time, and at some point I refuse to eat even though I feel a little hungry. I just have this nagging voice/feeling in my head that forbids me to feel at least okay with myself and everything I do and say.
On top of that, my mom is incredibely rude when it comes to my mental health issues; I don´t even want to remember half of her nasty comments. She wanted to kick me out because I stopped eating. All this drama started in the week my finals took place. She calmed down so far and stopped insulting me, but I feel extremely unwell in this house. I will never ever get better as long as I live here or even near her.
Also, my last four therapy sessions got cancelled, which is a one month break between my last appointment and the next one on 13th February.
Totally ruined this week!
However, I feel unsure about what to share with my therapist and what not. He sounded so...worried? when I told him I didnt eat for 11 days during our last phone call; he said "This cant go on like this..." & I have no clue how he will react when I tell him that I havent eaten even longer...
It´s not a big deal at all; I´m physically fine. I hate it when my therapist or doctor or anyone else acts like I´m on the verge of dying. I treat myself as commonplace as possible, and the thought of wasting my therapist´s time because I´m not sooo ill or ill at all is omnipresent.
2015 started pretty rough for me, depression wise. I lost my appetite and haven´t eaten anything in 27 days; I basically live off chocolate milk, cappuccino, tea, water, diet coke and occassionally vegetable broil. That´s so weird, considering I used to looove food and eat so much, especially candies and, ya know, the unhealthy stuff.
My weight has always been in a normal range, but I´m having a bad body image since I´m 10 or 11. I tend to compare myself to other girls, skinner girls, and girls that generelly look pretty.
Now, my weight is on my mind all the time, and at some point I refuse to eat even though I feel a little hungry. I just have this nagging voice/feeling in my head that forbids me to feel at least okay with myself and everything I do and say.
On top of that, my mom is incredibely rude when it comes to my mental health issues; I don´t even want to remember half of her nasty comments. She wanted to kick me out because I stopped eating. All this drama started in the week my finals took place. She calmed down so far and stopped insulting me, but I feel extremely unwell in this house. I will never ever get better as long as I live here or even near her.
Also, my last four therapy sessions got cancelled, which is a one month break between my last appointment and the next one on 13th February.
Totally ruined this week!
However, I feel unsure about what to share with my therapist and what not. He sounded so...worried? when I told him I didnt eat for 11 days during our last phone call; he said "This cant go on like this..." & I have no clue how he will react when I tell him that I havent eaten even longer...
It´s not a big deal at all; I´m physically fine. I hate it when my therapist or doctor or anyone else acts like I´m on the verge of dying. I treat myself as commonplace as possible, and the thought of wasting my therapist´s time because I´m not sooo ill or ill at all is omnipresent.
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