My Feelings

Please do not take my comments personal...they are just what I am feeling today.  It's been a heavy week, with a new Memorial for Ken.  It was simply much more over powering then my husband or I imagained...I am sad,,,,I am in pain,,,,I feel alone...
It was a beautiful beautiful ceremory our church had for my son.  I just didn't know it would hurt so bad one day before his 6 months in Heaven...I can't imagine not talking to him,,,touching him, holding his hand, hearing his voice.  It's seems it's been a while now since I had a good cry...Maybe that is what I am needing.  I don't want to go forward right now, my pain is feeling so fresh again.  So if I have my Pity Party let me feel the pain.
I love my son so much as I know all of you did to (love you child).  My life feels so empty right now...and I feel so alone again.  I have no one i feel I can turn to, no one to talk to.  The thing about our pain is our family and friends sorta get tired of hearing it over and over again, yet no matter how busy you get, no matter how involved you are, no matter what you are doing,,,,if you stop and think they are always there in your mind, in your being....Our children is an extension of our heart and the day they went to Heaven a piece of our Heart went too>>>>>>
Sandi

Replies

RememberKala
RememberKala

Understanding and loving you. I\'m heading for bed now, you get some rest to darling.
deleted_user
deleted_user

You are right, a piece of our heart has gone with them. If you want to talk about your son and now one will listen, you have us here at FMO for that purpose. Here\'s hoping you find peace. Truly your friend, BarbaraWawa
deleted_user
deleted_user

You are right, a piece of our heart has gone with them. If you want to talk about your son and now one will listen, you have us here at FMO for that purpose. Here\'s hoping you find peace. Truly your friend, BarbaraWawa
Azgal15
Azgal15

The biggest pieces of our hearts go with our lost children and I understand the feeling alone and not having anyone to talk to...I go through that everyday. But know my thoughts and prayers are with you and a big hug too!
~Sandi
connilla
connilla

We will ALWAYS listen to each other and know that others will listen to us. That is why this site is so important. You are right, I am sure our family and friends do get tired of hearing it after a while. I want to talk about Melissa all the time even though its been about 19 months. We need to talk about our children and this is the perfect place to do so....Hugs, Connie C.
deleted_user
deleted_user

No matter how long it has been 6 months or 16 years we will always miss our children. Like the others have said we are all here to listen anytime day or night. I still feel alone even after 16 years of my Bobby being gone. You are so right about family & friends not wanting to here us still talk about our children. I think it might be because they have not been through this and they just don\'t know what to say, or someone told me one time maybe they are afraid that it will happen to them if they keep talking to us. As Teri said to is time for you to rest and remember the retreat is only 3 weeks away & we will love & hugs & laugh & cry with you....Hugs, Connie
deleted_user
deleted_user

I can still remember how fragile I was at 6 months, and 2 years later a day doesn\'t go by that I don\'t think about Tim. Your perspective changes, but your longing for your child never goes away. And we all understand exactly how you are feeling right now.....love to you, Diane
ColleenF
ColleenF

Love and big hugs to you. I know it hurts so bad. Colleen
CorysMom
CorysMom

I feel how much you miss your son. I miss mind the same. You can\'t imagine not seeing or talking to them. As for others not seeming to what to hear about your son...I also feel that way. I still mention Cory because I don\'t care if others are put back by it. I miss him. I don\'t want to forget him....and sometimes I think I am forgetting things about him. I don\'t want others to forget him either. Of course you know as others have mentioned, we are here to listen to your pity party. We all have been there or will be there again. Today, the 5th means eight months without my son. I am doing better in some ways. You will too in your own time. Today, also would be my dad\'s 100th birthday. He has been gone 12 years. Mom 14 years. Her birthday is the 7th. We do eventually manage to get through the sadness and loneliness. Find that something each day to get you by. Look at how special your son was. Think of all the good he did for others. How wonderful the memorials were even though they bring tears. I do wish you well and hope your struggles become less.
Robin4
Robin4

I could talk endlessly about my son so I know your need to talk about Ken and your grief. Our families tend to \"tip toe\" around the subject and I think they are happy when we stay silent. Oh, but that\'s too hard to tell that to our hearts to try to forget. Six months was a crossroads for me. The pain was still so fresh but it was also when I thought I could actually live through my loss. It will get better friend but still many days ahead when the rug gets pulled out from under your feet. You need this personal time tonight, this week, this month. Take that time and embrace your grief. Don\'t shortchange yourself one day. Love to you. Robin
deleted_user
deleted_user

So very true.....I have thought of my son for 16 months straight....more now than when he was here....so sad to say. And yes, the friends and family are probably tired of hearing the grief...the pain...the sorrow....our sadness.....this is the only place we will be able to come to on a regular basis where no one will tire of our moaning and tears....we all are grieving daily. I pray you have some peace but right now it you need to cry...go ahead...it does feel better afterward....love, dale...brandon\'s mom
SusanLarson
SusanLarson

I certainly do understand. They are always in our minds & hearts. My grief is like a roller coaster, up & downu up & down. It is 8 months today & it is still like it was yesterday. I guess all we can do is hang in there & lean on each other. Hugs & Prayers, Susan
biowoman
biowoman

I think that our children will always be in our minds...sometimes in the forefront...sometimes in the shadows, and then only a thought away. I think that you need to feel those feelings...whatever ones come up. Such a wonderful and loving tribute would naturally send you into a flood of emotions...go with them, write about them, talk about them...and then the ebb will come. Love to you and hugs...Karen
l8gra
l8gra

The feeling we are so randomly subjected to is why we often refer to this experience as being on a roller coaster. You work and climb that hill, pulling yourself out of the abyss of being physically separated from you beloved child, and you reach a high point where things begin to look a bit clearer and managable. The next thing you know, you are being plunged, full speed, back down into the depths of despair. I don\'t think there is really a way to avoid those plunges, we just have to experience them and begin again. Time does seem to lessen the duration of the deep, all consuming despair. I also found that it helped to know that I was not the only one experiencing this \"roller coaster\". Not that I would ever wish this on anyone else in this world, but it was comforting to know that others were battling the same demons and that I was not alone...others were surviving and for Clinton\'s honor, so would I!!!! Take care and be gentle with yourself. Your journey is still so new but it truly does become more tolerable...love and gentle hugs...Lynn
deleted_user
deleted_user

my prayers to you,..Dave