My drive to Savannah

It's been a while since I posted a journal. About Christmas, I was going to meet my sister on the 21'st and I was feeling really bad. The next night I was going to leave and was feeling really anxious. I decided I couldn't go at all and it really broke my heart because I already had my bags packed, presents wrapped and in my car. On the 23rd my neighbor came over to give me a little Christmas present and I told her about it. I said "Do you really think I could do the drive.?" I mean, it sounds weird to people that don't have PA's, I guess, especially since I'd driven halfway back(from Macon to Cartersville) after Thanksgiving. But, anyone who knows about PA's knows that they can be here one minute and gone the next. I texted my sister and said that I decided to come and could she meet me in Macon. She answered and said 'Sorry darlin', I can't tonight. I've got friends coming for dinner and I'm cooking right now." My neighbor said "You can do it." It was either spend Christmas alone, or make the drive by myself and not halfway this time........but all the way, all 5 hours. My neighbor helped me put my cat in the car, hugged me and off I went. I got onto 75 and thought "What am I doing?" I was scared. I'm not going to lie. I had panic attacks, quite a few of them. I prayed, listened to the radio, and talked to a friend of mine who coached me through the attacks. I made it! I did it! Although I did get pulled over on I-16 by a cop for going 85 in a 70 zone. After all those PA's, It didn't seem to help. He asked if I wanted him to re-check his radar and I said "No, I believe you officer." You know why I believe him? Because I had my cruise control set at 85 MPH! I guess I was driving fast, because I just wanted to get there. So, I made it. Praise The Lord! It wasn't without it's moments. I talked to my sister and she said I was really dwelling on the PA's that I'd had during the drive and instead should be so thankful and full of praise to God that I actually made the drive by myself. She's right. I guess that just because I had panic attacks, doesn't mean that God wasn't the one helping me to get there. Now I know that I CAN do it and maybe next time I drive to Savannah I'll feel even better. I had a wonderful Christmas and New Years. I'm thankful I decided to go. Now when I went home on January 1st, my sister let me follow her a little more than halfway down I-16 and then I drove the rest of the way home by myself. I had not one PA on the way home. It's funny. I conquered on of the scariest things I feel I've ever faced and when I got home and got settled in, I had a few days where I felt so anxious and didn't even want to go to the store right here in the town where I live in. I guess it just goes to show that like one of my other sisters used to say "Wherever you go, there you are." Maybe it's not God's will to heal me completely of the panic attacks, but to teach me and show me that even though I have panic attacks I can do whatever and go wherever I need to go. PA's are no respecter of people or places. Some days I feel great. Some days I feel like I could do anything and go anywhere. Some days I feel anxious all day and feel like if I go out I might have a panic attack. Yet, I've learned, that PA's aren't related, neccesarily, to a place. It's not a grocery store, an elevator or a long drive from home that causes them. It's just what I have. It's transient. It comes and goes. But the most important thing of it all........even with panic attacks I CAN, and all my DS friends CAN do anything and go anywhere they need to go. Does it mean we'll be instantly healed? No. But, we'll learn that even with our panic attacks we can still do what we need to do and go where we want to go and maybe even have some fun doing it!