My depression is improving but........
I've gone through a seven year depression. At times it was so painful that it was almost unbearable. It's very complicated but my depression was caused by being obsessed over a person that I had a non intimate on and off relationship with. I've been socially phobic all of my life and it seems that once in a blue moon I find someone I feel comfortable with and I emotionally latch onto that person. It's like being addicted to heroin. I need to interact with that person at least once a day or I suffer. If the person stops responding to me I crash into a horrible depression.
That's the way it used to be and since I understand how my mind works now, I won't allow myself to become attached to anyone like that ever again.
Six months ago I was deep into my depression and thinking about suicide every day. For the past few months I've accepted the loss of that relationship and I feel OK about it. The major part of my depression is gone but my lifestyle is conducive to depression. I drink way too much. I don't take a high enough dose of anti depressants because of the side effects and I'm pretty much anti social because of my social phobia. I tend to stay alone in my house most of the time like a hibernating bear. For some reason I lack motivation to better myself. I don't keep my house clean because I don't care. No one ever comes here anyway. I can't keep up with my bills and collecting agencies are after me. I miss many days from work because I just don't really care about many things. Some days I just want to stay here and sleep all day. I'm very spiritually confused. I want to get closer to God but whenever I pray I wonder if I'm just talking to myself. When I read the Bible for motivation or for learning I often wonder if the Bible is truth or just the fanatical rantings of the Middle Eastern people from 2000 years ago.
I believe I have the potential to have a good and productive life but I don't know how to get out of this rut. This rut is my comfort zone but my comfort zone is a good recipe for depression. I am most likely more depressed than I realize but certainly I'm less depressed than I was months ago.
That's the way it used to be and since I understand how my mind works now, I won't allow myself to become attached to anyone like that ever again.
Six months ago I was deep into my depression and thinking about suicide every day. For the past few months I've accepted the loss of that relationship and I feel OK about it. The major part of my depression is gone but my lifestyle is conducive to depression. I drink way too much. I don't take a high enough dose of anti depressants because of the side effects and I'm pretty much anti social because of my social phobia. I tend to stay alone in my house most of the time like a hibernating bear. For some reason I lack motivation to better myself. I don't keep my house clean because I don't care. No one ever comes here anyway. I can't keep up with my bills and collecting agencies are after me. I miss many days from work because I just don't really care about many things. Some days I just want to stay here and sleep all day. I'm very spiritually confused. I want to get closer to God but whenever I pray I wonder if I'm just talking to myself. When I read the Bible for motivation or for learning I often wonder if the Bible is truth or just the fanatical rantings of the Middle Eastern people from 2000 years ago.
I believe I have the potential to have a good and productive life but I don't know how to get out of this rut. This rut is my comfort zone but my comfort zone is a good recipe for depression. I am most likely more depressed than I realize but certainly I'm less depressed than I was months ago.
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I\'m sorry you\'re going through this rough time. I can tell you that God is real, and there is a lot of evidence that the Bible is true! all of it.
For example, Moses talked about hell as a ball of fire at the center of the earth. He lived during the stone age--and there is now archaeological evidence that people in the stone age could read and write!!! At that time everyone else thought that the earth was flat and held up by giant turtles or some other animal, etc. Scientists have only been able to determine that the center of the earth is molten lava--a big ball of fire just like Moses wrote in the Bible--until less than 100 years ago! So how did Moses know this? It could only have been if the Bible writers were inspired by God, just as the Bible says.
Then in Ezekiel there\'s a passage that says in the future Tyre will be wiped from the face of the earth. Four hundred years later, Alexander the Great was conquering the world, destroying and killing everything in his path. The leaders of Tyre knew he was coming and moved themselves and their possessions to an island about a mile off the coast of Tyre. They took all the boats with them. Alexander had his soldiers use the stones from the buildings in Tyre to build a bridge to the island. When they ran out of stones, they literally scraped every piece of rock off of where Tyre had been to finish the bridge! And while this was being done, Alexander\'s librarian in Alexandria was having the Jewish Scriptures translated into Greek, so it\'s impossible that the Jews changed those old Scriptures to match what happened later.
God loves you and He cares. He created all of us to be in relationship with Him. By accepting Jesus as Savior and Lord, we enter into that personal relationship and He can help you have healthy relationships with others.
He did it for me. My past includes similar circumstances to what you posted about relationships! So I know this first hand!
I\'m praying for you. God bless you!