my days
well today is exactly one month since my husband of 42 years died. It was an expected loss, I just wasn't ready for it.
he had heart trouble and dialysis the doctors didn't expect him to live past feb. he had v-tach for two years and was on dialysis for 11 months. He was told he wouldn't be able to tolerte dialysis because of his heart function of 15%
we were loading up to go to dialysis the morning that he died. we got him in the car with the seat laid back and i couldn't help him sit up. i walked around the car and he was gone
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well its been over a month now, still haven't cried much, still feel frozen inside. slowly getting the house in order to put it on the market. carl's 67th birthday is the 25th don't know how I will get through that day.
two days until carl's 67th birthday. I see my counselor today for the 2nd time. I have written a little to share with her, its hard to plan for the future at all right now.
well, we made it through your birthday, we had prime rib and shrimp from rocknc and talked about you. we didn't cry for you. we wished you were here, jenny said she would have made mushrooms for you, and a carrot cake. I only cried once. jenny and I had a pedicure on your birthday to pass some time on your birthday, you would have enjoyed my soft feet. by the way Maggie did take your side of the bed, like you always said she would. I think she does miss you. I thought about getting another cat to keep her company, but decided bot to. when she is gone I will get two Siamese who are already getting along with each other. love you
well, in 4 days you will be gone for 2 months. I still haven't cried much, sometimes I wish I could. I had my 2nd piano lesson yesterday. I've already learned more than my other teachers taught me. it is something to do, and I enjoy it.
Sorry about your husband. Wow 42 yrs is a really long time. I envy you bc you have lots of great memories. I was only married to my sweetheart for 12 yrs but your story struck me bc it's similar to mine. My husband had lupus and a heart arythmia which he had lived with many yrs before we met. He had so many medical issues in his life but seemed so strong. He survived them all. He was so excited the night before and we were making plans since he had finally triumphed over something he'd been struggling with. Next thing I know he's having a bad dream at 3:30am and I'm holding him and trying to wake him up. And then he was just gone. I still can't believe it happened and some nights I find myself still back there 2 months ago holding him while he's crying but not waking up. Anyways your experience reminded me of my own so I was wondering if you can tell me why do I keep replaying that awful night over and over.