My daughters 2nd Birthday

Gosh was it less than two weeks ago when the last "bad thing" happened.  And what a day to have the next bad.
I started noting on my calendar the times in which H "yells, yells and threatens, yells threatens and throws, yells, threatens and hits" and then it reminds me that it happens often and the good times in between don't last all that long. That way at some point I will finally go "ok, this is never going to get better, quit thinking it will and now go do something about it". Which if you have read previous entries, I do have a great opportunity looming. Hah, here I write great, only because he got mad last night "yell". If I wrote this on the weekend just been I would probably write "feeling sad want residency to work out".
So yesterday was our daughters 2nd birthday. I left work early to get home to ice the cake and wrap her pressies before she woke up from her nap. H was playing his ps2 when I got in the door. I could sense he was aggro. And he was because the cats had pulled the plug on his game while they were playing chase and he lost all the stuff he had done since he last saved which was a while back in the game.
Anyway he was a bit short on patience.  So when I commented about how to cut the cake (meaning lets both get involved), he took over and cut the shape, I iced it and he decorated it.  But throughout this I got him more aggro because I asked him to repeat himself because I didn’t quite make out what he said or meant (and when I do this, it means I am not listening to him, which means I don’t care).  And then I thought I would try and make things lighter by joking around, but when he is like this, my humour goes down like lead.
I had mentioned to him  a couple of weeks back that we weren't having people around because there's no one to come around (because people have an issue with you) but he raised the comment 'are we not having anyone come around' again.  So I repeat 'as said a while back, no one is coming because they are busy'. Ug more stuff to aggro him.
So I wrapped the pressies and wrote the card.  And he notes he is not filling in the card because he didn't get her anything, and I said "but you look after her all day and that’s hardwork but not many people acknowledge that" . No, not good enough for him to hear this.
So our daughter wakes up and I go get her.  H puts her in the highchair, and brings the cake over, lights the candle, we sing and then encourage her to blow out the candles. She fiddles with the icing a bit but then wants out.  We put her down and point her to her pressies.  H points out several times that I have wrapped them for an adult that I don’t like (because of the way I used sticky tape) indicating that I wasn't thinking.  Which when he is in this mood anything I do is wrong wrong wrong.
Then he points out 'are my presents not good enough to put out here'.  Omg I forgot his wooden box and seahorse swing thing he made for her a few weeks back that were sitting in the office.  So I say 'sorry' and make to get them.  And he says 'leave them, they were not important enough, if you get them, they are going in the bin'.  And that meant he was even more aggro.
So unlike a normal person who would either a) go get the gifts themselves or b) remind the person and then allow them to get the gifts, he gets more peeved off, anything I do or say is not right and in the end he said 'I'm off to the garage".  and off he goes.  5 mins later pokes his head in the door "I'm not in the mood to eat, sort you and n out something". 
I had a short cry. It had been building because I had effectively ruined our daughters birthday. And she came over and gave me a hug saying "momma sad". She shouldn’t have to see this, or go through this.
For me in part it was the fact that I had not been able to keep things smooth and stay out of "trouble" with H. It means there will be repercussions of sorts at some point in time and I'm going to stress out until it blows.
Wow what a great family fun celebration.  So I felt and feel soooo bad for forgetting the gifts but hey I also forgot the two from her antenatal friends.  And maybe if I wasn't feeling so tired from lack of sleep the past few days I might have been more onto it.  Oh and maybe if he reacted like a normal person and reminded me, or even got them himself without going all septic. And he tells me I'm immature. 
But no, in his way of thinking, this just proves yet again how selfish and uncaring I am.  Lets not bring up the fact he forgot our anniversary, and nothing was done on Mothers day, no card, no words nothing.
He came in to put our daughter to bed and we get her to say "love u momma" and "love u dadda" but she didn't repeat him so his comment walking out her room "that’s ok, nobody else does either".
His parting remake before going back to the garage was another sarcastic comment "now I know why I am here in NZ to get hurt by you, your brother, mum and dad" and then added "and don’t do anything for me, don’t bring a drink to the garage, don't check on me, nothing"
This morning its silent treatment on the phone.  Tonight who knows.  He'll probably be heading off into depression again with the impending news of residency not working out playing around in his mind and probably wondering if he shouldn’t just leave since I have proven yet again how selfish I am.
Right now I'm like, yeah go on, just go, pack and leave I need a break anyway. But there's a part of me that’s thinking "but he doesn’t have anyone else, he has no friends or family who want him around, he has no money, he has nothing…….. so I have to look after him and protect him". I need to squash that part because he's smooth, he'll hook up someone and throw them the sob story, they'll get suckered in, he'll survive.
 Ok, bring on tonight. Lets see what will happen. I hate this waiting it out and wondering, it messes with me bad.
And yes, I know, its my choice that I'm in this situation and its up to me to get me and my daughter out of it.