My daughter's cat
My daughter had a cat named Mama Roux...she was already named when my daughter rescued her...maybe she was from Louisianna. She couldn't have a cat in her apartment, one of her roommates was allergic, so Mama Roux stayed home. She was the most beautiful yet stubborn and maybe even psychotic cat I have ever seen. If she was in the mood, she would submit to being petted very gently and only the period of time she had predetermined...you knew your time was up when SHE BIT THE SHIT OUT OF YOU. She was a cat only my daughter could love...well, I loved her too...if it has feathers or fur it has my heart. Anyway, MamaRoux would not stay indoors...it was dangerous because she had been de-clawed (before my daughter rescued her). There was no reasoning with her, you know how cats are.
Lat September my husband and I went on vacation in Gatlinburg, Tennessee. We rented a gorgeous little cabin that was pet friendly...we can't go anywhere without our dogs. I wasn't sure what to do with MamaRoux. She was too neurotic to ride, but if we had put her in a carrier I was afraid she would dart out and make a run for it and find her way into the woods and we wouldn't see her again. She was miserable inside for very long anyway. I felt bad leaving her stuck inside alone all week...and pretty sure she would destroy my house if I did. So, I left her plenty of food and water on the back patio and let her stay outside while we were gone. We never saw her again.
I never told Cassi the whole story. We were used to her disappearing for a few days...I kept putting her off. Finally, after several weeks, one night on the phone, she sighed and said, "Well, she must be on an adventure." I think she knew.
For some reason, driving home from shopping today, that story came upon me...I had to pull over. It's really not safe for me to drive, I never know when these attacks are going to hit.
Sisters, I love you dearly....but today, just today, please don't tell me not to feel guilty...it won't help anyway and what happens is I end up feeling guilty for feeling guilty...just need to bathe in the guilt right now...just what I need right now.
I love you my sisters...I love you dearly.
Lat September my husband and I went on vacation in Gatlinburg, Tennessee. We rented a gorgeous little cabin that was pet friendly...we can't go anywhere without our dogs. I wasn't sure what to do with MamaRoux. She was too neurotic to ride, but if we had put her in a carrier I was afraid she would dart out and make a run for it and find her way into the woods and we wouldn't see her again. She was miserable inside for very long anyway. I felt bad leaving her stuck inside alone all week...and pretty sure she would destroy my house if I did. So, I left her plenty of food and water on the back patio and let her stay outside while we were gone. We never saw her again.
I never told Cassi the whole story. We were used to her disappearing for a few days...I kept putting her off. Finally, after several weeks, one night on the phone, she sighed and said, "Well, she must be on an adventure." I think she knew.
For some reason, driving home from shopping today, that story came upon me...I had to pull over. It's really not safe for me to drive, I never know when these attacks are going to hit.
Sisters, I love you dearly....but today, just today, please don't tell me not to feel guilty...it won't help anyway and what happens is I end up feeling guilty for feeling guilty...just need to bathe in the guilt right now...just what I need right now.
I love you my sisters...I love you dearly.
Replies
Have at it. Feel whatever you feel.
Feel what you feel. We are here.
Love and Hugs to you and Cassi,
Marlene
I have guilt in me to so your not alon e. Bless your speciall angel. Love MaryAnn
My Morgan was an animal lover toooooo!! our daughter are playing with all kinds of friends together.... love ya!
You feel all you need to feel darling~~
Enter into the feelings as you are and guilt is most certainly one of them.
I would like to think that Mama Roux is on her adventure and it feels as if she was born free and had to do it her way, just like those who love her so.
Thank you for reminding me of what you need as often I know my heart goes into \"rescue\" mode for others and that is not what they are needing. Just someone to sit with them where they are so I\'m sitting right next to you, dear Gina. Together we sit...
Loving care~
XO Joanie
Gina, I support whatever you need to do and feel today. Just know you are not alone. Love to you and dearest Cassi, Linda
Gina my thoughts & prayers are with you as you feel & work through these most difficult emotions. Loving hugs......Vicki
Of course you can feel guilty. I feel guilty every day and Iprobably will for the rest of my life. I feel guilty for not stopping what I was doing (cooking) when April was about three and stood in the kitchen saying, \"Pay, Mommy, Pay\" - meaning \"play\". I feel guilty for once going up the stairs in my original house and thinking \"I\"m starting to hate the word mommy\". I feel guilty for not answering her differently when she told me she couldn\'t laugh or smile or enjoy anything in life. I feel guilty for taking her into that store in the first place. I feel guilty for not paying attention to the You Tube video she watched on how to load a shotgun - who in the world could imagine she intended to buy one and use it??? I will feel guilty forever. No amount of rationalization or facts or the reality that none of her caregivers ever expected her to survive.....none of that helps.
Feel what you need to feel when it hits you. There is no wrong way to travel this path.
Let is wash over you, and know that when the storm is over, the sun will peek from the clouds...then let that wash over you, too.
Gentle care,
AnnM
I will always feel guilty that I wasn\'t able to save my daughter. Most of us feel the guilt of not being able to protect our children. Each of us has to travel this road their way. HUGS, Connie
Whatever feelings you are having, they are your feelings!! There is no right way or wrong way to grieve. It is what it is!!!
((((HUGS))))....Julia
Healing is an active process. We must step up to our grief, meet it, embrace it, and even invite it into our lives. Guilt is very much a part of grief. So feel it as much as you need. Once we do all those things, our grief begins to teach us. Mama Roux on an adventure. I think our children are too. A lovely thought. Much love. Robin