My Crush (it is a pretty long rant, sorry)

So there is this guy that I've liked since before he even came to this school. When I first saw him, I felt he was attractive. Most guys that I find attractive (especially around that time-I was having lots of heartache and false hope with my ex) I would just admire him and look away, but not with this guy. For what ever reason, I couldn't take my eyes off him, and he caught me watching him. So I looked away. Then after a few seconds (come on guys, you know how it works, LOL!) I looked back. Everyone knows the person isn't supposed to be still looking back at you after a few seconds (unless they are watching you). I low-and-behold, he was looking. So I awkwardly look away and then turn back to see if he was still looking (and I had thi dorky smile on my face)......and guess what.....he was looking......and on top of that, he smiled.......
I don't know if he was laughing at me, if he thought it was cute or interesting (or something...maybe weird), or if he liked me and was flirting, IDK, but none-the-less, I've liked him from that point on. He ended up transferring to our school (he went to the school, but to one of the satellite campuses before). The more I notice about him, the more I like. I didn't think he liked me after transferring  plus I had a lot going on, so this year (his 2nd semester here at the main campus, my 3rd) it's like we have a fresh start. I'm more friendly towards him, but because of my shyness and low-self esteem, I'm not his friend yet....I don't think. Turns out he's younger than me too...by like 3 years.....and he's' white (and I'm black). So there are a few things that make me doubt if he'd even consider liking me, LOL! Ok, he seems fine with black people, so he might like black girls, but I'm a size 16 right now....He's skinny. I have that little bump in the road in my past.....what if he does like me, we start talking and that turns him away because he doesn't want a complicated (as little complication as possible) relationship? Or what if he doesn't mind any of that, but because of my lower self esteem, he's turned off.....or what if he finds my shyness annoying......I have little confidence in my hope that he likes me too....but what if he did? I'm really nice and kind hearted...it's something that I can't help, I'm painfully honest (most of the time), I'm artistically gifted and am a music major (just like him-I'm not sure about the art part though)...I love helping people, esp kids, I love animals, I go by my middle name, Joy, (for those that can't pronounce or remember my first name) and to match my middle name, I'm always smiling, LOL! Even when I'm nervous or scared, I'm smiling! LOL! (of course, this applies to average day situations). I know that I have a lot of potential and a lot of good qualities.....but what if he hasn't recognized them...or what if he likes me only as a friend because of them, but wouldd rather someone more attractive..........These are the questions I struggle with when thinking about him. But it's funny....whenever I'm around him, I don't really care about those things...I just want to know more about him.........maybe I should let that part of me shine through more.......I just hope my shyness doesn't stop me, LOL! 
Oh, and for anyone reading that's wondering why I like him so much (not counting the natural pull I feel towards him.....that attraction that hasn't stopped since I've met him...nor did it stop even when I tried to ignore it and focus on getting back with my ex, last year...,)...........well, He is beautiful. I love his smile, and his cute dimples. I love how he blushes when he speaks out in class sometimes. I absolutely ADORE his demeanor. Kindness really just radiates out from him. I love his voice. I fell in love with his singing voice...when I heard him start singing in his bass voice one day, it caught my attention, and I felt my heart jump! LOL! He can really sing. He's a musical genius! NO, REALLY! His piano playing is mesmerizing....I love to listen to him play. It really relaxes me and kinda makes my heart melt :) LOL! He is also really good at the violin, guitar, and drums too! When I learned he played drums, I thought I could so fall in love with him right hten and there! I'm also a percussionist, and my dream guy can sing, play drums, play piano and possibly play other instruments......sounds like this guys right? LOL! I heard that he might can play trumpet too. He's great in music theory, he writes and reads music beautifully.....He''s a genius! I mean, what more can I say! I really like him......if I knew him more...if I was friends with him, I think I might would even love him. Right now, I want to love him.
It really breaks my heart to know that he might not be interested....right now I'm calm while thinking this...but if I ever heard him say, or heard from someone else even, that he doesn't like me, I would  have to go off somewhere alone so that I could cry. And if I heard he only likes me as a person, or if we become friends and he only likes me as a friend......even though that's nice....and even though he at least likes me in some way, it would still hurt. I feel like I could open up to him. I usually would never, ever, EVER DARE go out with a guy younger than me (even a year younger), but I want to be with him. I want things to go my way at least this once.....when it comes to love, I think he would really do me right....it feels like we're being pushed together more and more by "fate" (God really).....but of course, I could be delusional, and only hoping this is so, so hard that I feel we really are being drawn together.....................................
Ok, I know this is long, and I keep going on and on about this guy, but I have no one to really talk to about it. I have one or two people I might can, but no one I 100% know for sure that I can confide in at any time.........so I've been holding this in for a while....I might end up talking to one of my friends though, LOL!
I think I'm going to pray and ask God if Daniel is for me. If so, I will keep hoping, if not, I will give up. I'll be sad at first, but I will give up. I can't get my hopes up anymore (in love), just to get them knocked back down. I just can't............but I really like him......I want to even say that I love him........yeah.....to God I must go!!!!!!!!! LOL!