My continuing confusion

I've sought feedback about my family situation over the last few weeks.  In part because I am a little confused over learning my own healthy boundaries, and also because I am trying to understand the dynamics of my own family of origin.  I have gotten feedback a bit on "both sides of the fence," I guess you could say.  I also received a good article on boundaries.  I actually received much appreciated input that I hadn't considered and was very enlightening to me.  However, in the end, I am just as confused, if not more so than when I first questioned the issue! 
What I have personally taken away from this entire situation is that my mom/dad have their boundaries and have set them.  My brother/his partner have their boundaries and have set them.  I have my own boundaries, which include my personal feelings that my parents have done their best to be flexible of their boundaries under the circumstances and that my brother is being too inflexible with his.  This really should have no bearing on my direct relationship with my mom/dad or with my brother/partner. 
I have many different beliefs than my parents and than my brother.  Maybe, I am just more secure in myself, I don't know...but I've never felt that my parents disrespected my boundaries.  I feel comfortable in talking openly about our different religions and in us just being who we are.  I do not always feel this same comfort with my brother.  I often feel he is reacting defensively when it is not necessary and that he acts like he has this huge chip on his shoulder.  In fact, he once made a snide comment about coming to my house for dinner because he felt muslims preach to kill gays and told me he had a book that outlined all the times the Quran mentioned killing people.  I did my best to explain to my brother that I have three different English translations of the Quran and could not find a single place where it mentioned killing other than in self-defense (and pointed out where these verses were taken out of context).  I will insert here, that just like other religious texts, there are passages that include those who do evil being struck down etc. 
I do still wonder if I am just too understanding and compromising, but really, what I feel is that I am comfortable with who I am and if my parents say something that bothers me, I just tell them I think what they said was out of line.  In most cases, they at least understand where I'm coming from, even if they don't agree.  On the other hand, I often feel the need to defend myself when talking to my brother and like I have to prove to him that I have the right to my opinion.  I guess that is really what is underneath this entire issue.  Since my parents were gone a lot of our youth, my brother was often my primary caregiver and very important to me and maybe it's his acceptance that I'm looking for. 
The wonders of journaling and finding yourself at the root of the issue without even meaning to!!!

Replies

deleted_user
deleted_user

I know how you feel! I am the seventh kid in the family--the youngest--and feel that pressure with all my siblings. My parents were always understanding in the end, but my siblings make me work for it--to prove myself. I hate it. LOL
Maybe your brother still doesn\'t feel that acceptance? Maybe that\'s why he is so insistent or defensive about his ways/opinions? IDK
My sister acts like that cause she\'s plain bossy :P
HUGS